Why do we tend to procrastinate when we have plenty of tasks to do? Join our host Jen Du Plessis as she talks with Wendy Hart to give us all a better understanding of procrastination. Wendy is an international speaker and coach and the creator of The Procrastination Cure. She provides deeper knowledge on how our brain works. Having experienced a dreadful childhood, she strived for change by starting with herself; having therapies, and studying brain chemistry. She shares why procrastination is so common to us human beings simply by the nature of our brain, triggering alarms by sensing dangers. Learning how we can better control our minds to increase our productivity. Stay tuned.
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Understanding How To Deal With Procrastination For Personal Development With Wendy Hart
I’m so excited because I have a wonderful guest by the name of Wendy Hart. You’re beautiful. I appreciate you coming on the show and your beautiful insight as I’m learning as well. I want to share with everybody about you and what you do. She is an international speaker, coach, and the Creator of the Procrastination Cure, a complete system that compels you to follow through and make more money. She has coached pro golfers, entrepreneurs, and business owners to help reduce anxiety and overwhelm to increase their sales performance. It is the key to what we want to talk about here on the show. Wendy, welcome.
Thanks, Jen. It’s nice to be with you again. We had the privilege to meet at a conference, connect and had this simpatico. It’s great to be here and share this science with your readers.
We are going to get a little scientific but we are also going to get a little technical because we want both sides of this. One of the things that you focused on is Procrastination Cure using NLP, the acronym for Neuro-Linguistic Programming. My daughter-in-law has a Master’s degree in Linguistics.
That’s the science of excellence. Most of the people that are super achievers in the world have had coaches along the way like Olympians. Many of them have used brain science. That’s one technique that comes at it from a different direction.
I have been exposed as a speaker with my coaches and things like that. There are a lot of that out there. What I would like to start with is, tell us why you have such a passion for this particular topic. I know you have a passion for a lot of topics but this particular topic, what brought you to this?
Necessity is the mother of invention. I was the most profoundly stuck person that you have ever met. You had an interesting upbringing. I had an upbringing that was too colorful even for The Jerry Springer Show, for people that are Americans reading this. It was too nuts for reality television. I had brilliant, attractive parents who were also mentally ill. They were abusive to the degree that’s hard to describe.
My brother and I grew up with nervous systems that were attuned. They were programmed to be in survival all the time. I was afraid I was going to die all the time. This is from a young age. You are swimming in chemistry. I had procrastination overwhelm and self-esteem lower than dirt. I had a startle response like the moon. I would jump into the air. It was hard to function.
When I was a little kid, I remember thinking, “If I ever make it out of this house, I’m going to discover darn it what lets people thrive and be happy. I’m going to tell everybody that will listen.” By the time I was in college, I’ve thankfully got a scholarship. While other kids were going to parties, I was in the library reading psych abstracts trying to figure out how I could handle my nightmares and all that stuff.
I went on this crazy quest for decades. Everybody else is dating and Wendy is reading. The gift was, I had a particular curiosity, drive, and ability to cherry-pick because I went through stuff so other people don’t have to like studying. I studied Brain Chemistry. I had lots of therapy, which was great. Neuroscience, Hypnosis, and every personal development program, you name it. I read. I’ve got my life out of books. I cherry-picked because nothing worked but these little bits put together became a new original recipe.
It started after college. I was singing. I was working as a singer and dancer in Chicago. I wanted to go to Broadway. I wanted to heal so I wouldn’t age out of all of that. I’ve got over my stage fright with this recipe, all-green Chemistry, sneaky brain hacks. I ended up teaching. I’m a natural teacher. I taught 300 different singers in Chicago how to do it but we were poor. That’s a population that has no money. It worked to get rid of anxiety, overwhelm and have people follow through. I was like, “Where else could it go?”
I don’t golf but I said, “Golfers, this would help them not clutch on the course.” I called around and said, “Who knows somebody?” A friend of a friend said, “I know a guy who has tried twenty years and he can’t break 90. He had 3 lessons a week for 20 years.” In a dozen of phone calls, he was scratched on the phone and I never met him. It was the same brain science. His course of a 35-year record in the PGA with five phone calls with me was nutty. That was working.
That’s how I’ve got into sales because I started coaching golfers. I still coach golfers and get crazy results with them. People that golf for fun, a lot of them have businesses and they were entrepreneurial. They would say, “I dropped nine strokes already but I’m selling better. Can you help my team?” I’m like, “Yes.” It was the stage fright cure, Your Best Mental Golf, and then the call reluctance cure. That was good but then I stumbled upon a woman who was an ex-Tony Robbins trainer. She had a collection and a group of several thousand home-based businesswomen. I didn’t know that I would like them. I fell in love with coaching them because they were coachable.
The point with when people are entrepreneurial when you are running your own business, there’s no one to be accountable to. You are not punching a clock. You’ve got to do it on your own. I found that particularly when people had a home office, they were trying to juggle. They were being pulled by family members and their anchors. There are all these things. It’s easy to get distracted, and then people would not follow through and would go to shame.
That’s how it got the name, the Procrastination Cure. The truth is, this could equally be called the Overwhelm Cure or the Great Reducer of Anxiety. The same brain science works for that. I moved from a woman who should have been dead twenty ways from Sunday to thriving now. I get to serve clients. I have served thousands of people on six different continents to triple their follow-through. The system is interesting. It hacks from all over the place but they are the opposite. I’m the opposite of Gary Vee and Tony Robbins. These are great people that I admire but I do the backdoor-sneaky way, not the driven-willpower way.
One of the things is that the subtitle of my show is, “Stop talking. Take action. Get results,” which for me is like stop talking, take action and get results. The challenge is always, “I want to stop talking and get results but I don’t know how to take action because maybe you know what to do but you don’t know how to do it.” What I feel from my coaching perspective is what keeps people from taking action, they don’t know how to do it. It may not be that they are procrastinating.Procrastination is not your fault. It is nobody's fault. Click To Tweet
I know you are going to counterbalance this and I want you to because I know there are gaps to it. A lot of times, people are numb because they are like, “I know I need to do this. I don’t know how.” The next step is, “Let’s find somebody.” They get trapped into the, “I don’t know how.” They don’t even recognize the resources and tools that might be available to them. You are going to go deeper into this and that’s what I’m curious about.
What are some triggers that people could use or hack? Are there triggers that people could use when they identify that they are in that procrastination mode? I have a client who is a perfectionist. Before she can take action, nothing will ever be perfect. She, therefore, doesn’t take action. Are there some triggers that we can identify in ourselves and some exercises or self-talk we could do that would help us get over that hump to at least start exploring what the next step might be?
I’m going to backtrack a little bit because there are a couple of things we need to cover first or people will be lost. Everything you said was completely accurate. There are two different segments of people. You work with the people who are paralyzed because they don’t know what to do. That’s completely valid because that does freeze people up and it doesn’t work. There’s another slice that I find that is maybe bigger. To tell the truth about it, most people know what to do.
A lot of my clients are like that. They know what to do. They just don’t know how to do it or take action to learn how.
You said it was about somebody else. If you ask somebody the question, “I’m in mortgage lending. I’m stuck and I’m not calling my people back. What would somebody do who didn’t have my limits, considerations, beliefs or any of that background? If somebody wanted to win at this, what would they do?” Most people can list exactly what steps you need to take to get the results you want. Most people know what to do but they get themselves to do it. It’s more of a can’t get yourself to do it, not won’t get yourself to do it.
Here’s why, because I’m coming from the physiology side of the brain. The explanation is all accurate but it has a big, giant presupposition in it. It’s a presumption that most people had the trouble. You missed the top 0.003% of success in the industry are brilliant at what most people are not. You have a little bit of a brain difference, I’m going to contend. Even though you grew up and overcame incredible adversity, you also have a little bit of nervous system attunement difference that’s different than what most people have.
I have a lot of compassion. My first premise is, “Procrastination is not your fault. It is nobody’s fault.” Every place that people read is feeling ashamed because the nuns, teachers, parents or everybody said, “It’s a function of you being too lazy. It’s your character issue.” It’s not a character issue. It all comes with that but what if you knew the physiology? I want to explain what we should have gotten in eighth grade that is creating all the confusion and shame.
Everybody, call up a picture of a brain in your mind’s eye. When we do that, we get one big, gray, squiggly brain with the twist and stem. It’s not one brain. It’s three brains stacked on top of each other, which people might know but there is something important that has been missing. We’ve got three brains. The bottom brain is the reptilian. It’s the oldest but it translates every single thing you see, hear, taste, touch or feel. It’s everything you perceive into something to eat, fight with, run away, and hide from or have sex with.
The scientists called these Four Fs, Food, Fight, Flight and Fooling around. It translates. It’s a primitive language. The one above that, the middle brain, is your limbic system, which is where all the emotions come from. That one has only two languages, pain and pleasure. It’s either, “I’ve got to get it now,” short-term gratification or, “Run, I could die.” There’s the bottom and the limbic system in the middle brain.
Your top brain where we are talking now, which I affectionately call our thinking brain, is very late. This is new for humans. It’s because we are smart, advanced, and not like cavemen, we think that the top brain is running the show. We ought to be able to get ourselves into action and follow through when we know what to do. What we are missing and what they didn’t tell us in eighth grade, which would take so much shame and guilt away, is we are 21st-century humans running around with the caveman era. The brain is in circuitry and nobody ever gave us the operating manual.
Here’s the thing. Every single thing you see, read, hear, touch, taste, smell or interact with, all that sensory information gets filtered from the bottom two brains first. It doesn’t go to your top brain first. It instantaneously goes to the bottom two. In the middle brain, there’s an alarm that people have heard of called the amygdala. You do not need to know how to spell that or remember but it’s an alarm. We discount it. We think it doesn’t matter anymore.
When the alarm gets tripped, it sends chemicals down that make you feel stuck and foggy-brained. It’s hard to move forward since the two bottom brains are the gatekeeper. Sadly, since everything back in the caveman days, the way we are wired is that everything unknown is dangerous. These things do not make logical sense. The scientists call this cortical inhibition.
Back in caveman days, when the saber-toothed tiger was running at the caveman, the blood left his top brain and it went to the parts of his body so he could run fast. It happened in an instant. You don’t logic this out. When this happens and the blood leaves your top brain, you can’t think straight. However smart you were this morning when you’ve got up to make your to-do list, you don’t have it anymore because this has happened. Until you feel safe and your nervous system re-regulates, you can’t think straight or get stuff done on your to-do list.
There’s so much in the topic but this is vitally important. Number one, everything unknown is considered dangerous by your brain. Even in our grandparent’s generation, there weren’t that many bits of information flying in. Now, we have billions of bits. Our nervous system is in constant hyperarousal. That impulse you have to get through the inbox of your life, you are going to get through all your emails. It will never happen. We are always going to have more coming in than we can process. There’s this feeling like this.
There’s the difference between you, Jen, super achiever, and other straight-A super achievers in the tribe. What’s the difference that you can do this? A lot of it you are born with. They say it’s about 70% of what triggers our nervous system attunement. If you are in the soup in your mother’s womb and when you come out, 70% of your attachment style, you took hers on. If you had an agitated and anxious mother like my mother used to jump in the air when she would hear a telephone ring. I still don’t like the sound of those old-fashioned phones, the ringtones because she used to hold me in her arms and jump in the air. My nervous system was attuned to that.
The bottom line of this is number one, when people procrastinate, when your people are not wanting to make their sales calls, your little alarm in the middle, and the bottom two brains have linked that to danger. It doesn’t make any logical sense or rejection but rejection is a danger. That’s not even cultural. That’s hardwired into your biology. In caveman days, if you pissed off the head guy in the cave and you’ve got rejected, you were out with the kids and you all died. Rejection is tied in with survival. It’s nobody’s fault.
Every time your alarm gets tripped, a chemical cascade comes down through the body and it speaks to the organs in your body. This is why you get a lump of dread in the pit of your stomach or vice around your head. You have a headache or you feel like you have the weight of the world. It’s hard to move forward. Here’s a better way. Number one, that doesn’t happen to me because I don’t feel that very much. It’s happening all the time. It’s like a little morphine drip all day.Until you're feeling safe and your nervous system regulates, you can't think straight or get stuff done on your to-do list. Click To Tweet
You get up in the morning and you are very clear. You know what you are going to do and you make a to-do list. By 4:00, you are saying, “What happened to this day? Why didn’t I do it?” Even things like the pile of laundry that you walked past over there and you felt bad about, that’s linked in the same way. Anything you are procrastinating on means that the little alarm has attributed some amount of danger to that. It’s a tricky thing. The last thing is when the blood leaves the brain, sometimes people are skeptical and they were like, “Is that true?”
Think of a time that you were confident and happy. Maybe you were dancing or you were in a social situation. Maybe somebody reading was at an office Christmas party. You were looking good and on top of your game. Somebody said something rude. They came into your space and surprised you, somebody with some cutting remark or they undercut you. When that happens, at least for women anyway but usually everybody, when you are surprised by somebody like that, you are shocked. Your jaw falls open. Your shoulders shrug but you can’t think of anything to say. It’s like, “I’m a loser. I can’t think of my comeback.”
“I wish I had thought about that when I was there.”
When does it pop in your head? You go home. You are in bed under the covers in the middle of the night. Your eyes pop open, “I know exactly what I should have said to him. I’m more of a bigger loser. Why couldn’t I think of it?” It’s because your brain was in jail. You couldn’t access how smart you are because that’s how fast it is. It’s like pulling your hand back from the hot stove. You don’t get to choose. All these places, when we procrastinate, it’s not our fault. We are going to get to solutions.
People need to know this. Here’s that presupposition I was saying about you and why I’m different than all the Gary Vees and the Tony Robbins of the world and everything. That idea of, “You should do it,” for everybody, that’s a top brain thing. Willpower is a top-brain thing. If your top brain is locked in jail temporarily, no amount of that will move you forward. The job is to get out of jail.
Getting out of jail is a function of being safe. You cannot logic your way out of it and learn it out of a book. You have to create enough physiologic safety and your nervous system calms down so the blood can go back up to your brain. You have to retrain that little alarm, which is a longer-term process. I mostly work in 90 days because you can’t just decide in with a whip and say, “Change, damn you.” It learns through safety connected with habits and changing your chemistry, so it’s not like this all the time.
It’s funny because what I was writing down is that I’m amazed. I’m interested in the solution and how I can change this because I’m much smarter in the middle of the night and the morning. That’s why I think when people say, “Let me sleep on it,” they get better decisions because they are smarter through the night occasionally.
I will wake up in the middle of the night and do the Ellen DeGeneres thing, which if you have ever watched her stand up, she says that she is trying to memorize things that she needs to get done. She will come up with songs like, “Phone, eyes, mascara.” She will come up with this list and start singing these songs. My song gets so long and then I go, “PIM.”
I’m doing these things and it gets so long that I’m like, “Screw it.” I get up and put the list down. All of a sudden, I have five times as many things as I had in my little memorization song. I need to do this, and then I go back to bed and sleep soundly. I can’t make phone calls in the middle of the night. It was in the middle of the night when I was like, “Got it.”
First of all, it’s smart of you. I like your way better than Ellen’s way. Ellen is funny and mnemonics work but if you’ve got a longer list, that will wake you up and create adrenaline. It’s better to get up, which we don’t want to do. We don’t want to get out of the warm, snugly blankets. If you can do a brain dump, then there will be a let go, and then you can sleep more easily.
The other reason you are having things float up in the middle of the night is that it’s not so much a top brain. That’s what it is. When we go to sleep, we relinquish the controls. We are not trying to make ourselves figure it out and understand. We release. This is the same reason that people get amazing epiphanies in the shower. You are not focused on it. You are soaping up and you are not trying.
All of a sudden, whatever you went to bed with a problem, it pops into your head because your intuition, inner knowing and wisdom don’t come from your top brain. It’s from a different place. It only pops in when you feel safe and relaxed, and you are not trying. It’s counterintuitive because all the productivity gurus have had this muscle thing, “Push through and muscle over it,” but it makes things worse.
This is why I’m always saying, “What you are usually doing to make yourself unstuck is making you more stuck.” When you’ve got two parts inside, then usually you’ve got many fighting. Let’s say a part of you completely wants to make your sales calls and you want to increase your revenue. You know what you need to do and you want to do it. You’ve got this other part that’s like, “I want to watch Netflix. I will drink a beer and I don’t want to do this.” You are fighting them.
Almost every guru will tell you what you need to do is beef this one up or the Native Americans, “Which dog are you feeding? The good dog or the lazy, which one?” Everybody is trying to do this to overpower this one. What nobody tells you is, in this idea of fighting, the more you beef up this guy, you were silently sending this one to the gym. They will always match. All you are doing is creating more competing chemical cascades. This direct onslaught way or make-myself way is not so useful.
Willpower works for a small number of people. You are incredibly good at it. I have been way better at it than most people but I’m here to say, it costs you too much. There are other backdoor ways where you can work with your physiology. You can relax and train the body. As soon as your alarm figures out that something isn’t dangerous, then it’s easy to make these sales calls. Do you have a question?
The people that are reading say, “I’m hearing you. Is there a technique? What should I do to help me get over this?”
The reason I haven’t got this in a book and I have it in a system that you listened to go through your unconscious mind is because I couldn’t do a list at the time that we had together. I’ve got about 200 tools and I will give actionable things here. People are hungry and put the filters through their top brains. It won’t stick. No transformation happens. I’m going to first point somewhere that you will never forget. Let me tell you this story. That will be for your unconscious mind as well as your top brain on how we do it, where the solution is and it’s going to help.
Completely utterly true story, a woman is overweight and out of shape. She has been to a bunch of doctors and they have said, “You have to get this under control or you won’t be here very long.” Her big deal is that she hates exercise. Exercise is like the saber-toothed tiger to the alarm in her brain. She has tried and failed every program. She even has a big, good-quality treadmill in her house. She can’t stand to even look at it. It makes her sick.Anything you're procrastinating on means that the little alarm has attributed some amount of danger to that. Click To Tweet
She goes to another doctor who knows some of this brain science and he says, “We are going to come through the back door. What do you like to do in the morning? What’s your favorite part of the morning? Mornings matter for everybody. It’s easier to get into momentum in the morning.” She said, “That’s easy. It’s my first cup of coffee and when I read the paper. That’s the best part of my day.” “For the next two weeks, I want you to have your coffee and your paper while you are standing on the treadmill but do not turn it on.” She was like, “That’s weird,” but she was desperate so she did it.
After a couple of weeks, she goes back to the doctor but she begins to notice she doesn’t feel sick looking at the treadmill anymore. He says, “After you are done with your coffee and your paper, while you are standing there, turn it on for the lowest setting, absolutely flat for one minute, and then turn it off, go to work and celebrate because you did well.” She was like, “This is nutty.” She does that for a week. The next week, it’s two minutes.
When I tell this story, people think of two things, “It would take me 125 years to get to my goal at this rate. She is talking about baby steps and I have already tried baby steps.” We are not because baby steps are like Mount Kilimanjaro compared to what I’m talking about. We are talking about things that are too small to count for any part of the system so you can sneak in under the tripwire of the alarm. The point of the story is she took all the pressure off. She did follow the prescription and she added a minute a week.
Somewhere after a couple of months, the alarm got the message. The alarm went, “Exercise isn’t the tiger.” Her curve went straight up. All of a sudden, she was running a mile a day. She got fit. She never stopped. It was easy. The point of the story is that she didn’t need anything extra because people looking at her would have judged her and said, “She doesn’t care. She has let herself go. It must not matter to her.” All of that is nonsense and for your readers, it’s nonsense because we care deeply.
The more we care, the more we’ve got of this going on. The more we are fighting ourselves on the inside, we feel more shame, powerlessness and guilt. Those feelings on top of the fight create another chemical cascade that grooves in your losing pattern even deeper. It went in a bad direction for a long time but this lady didn’t need more motivation and a bigger why. She didn’t need anything other than to retrain that alarm in her head. Once she did, all of a sudden, she had the right to everything. As soon as she got that out of the way of her own operating system and got it to work, everything worked.
That’s what I want people to know is once you get the information. How people get the information when they get my whole system is I did it. I can’t do it like school because it’s the top brain. I took a group over the phone of people who were profoundly stuck, embarrassed and ashamed about it. Some for business, personal or too much email. You listen for six weeks. As they apply it, they get a new chunk. They apply it, come back and talk about it. You hear the breakthroughs.
I do a lot of group coaching. When people learn this, it goes in under the wire in their unconscious minds. Your unconscious mind makes leaps, “I didn’t know it can work that way.” It maps over the success of other people and makes it believable. That’s how it works. That’s number one. The treadmill lady story might be sideways but you are never going to forget the lady on the treadmill. We did a piece for your unconscious mind to go, “There’s some other thing.”
Another useful thing for people to know is if you ever had a Chemistry class in school, acid and alkaline cancel each other out. These chemicals that come down when the alarm fires off and you feel dread or nervousness, even if it doesn’t register here, it’s happening. When you do it with NLP, I would call this a pattern interrupt. When you do something out of the ordinary that also has a component of silliness to it, it cancels out some of that chemistry. It makes it easier to teach your organs, “This isn’t a problem.” It’s easier not to feel dangerous.
When it comes to making phone calls, this is fun. I used to do things like specific prescriptions for people that needed to call. I would say, “How are calls for you? How long has it been since you have made them? What happens to you? Do you have one of those bouncy balls when you go to the gym, those big rubber balls that you can do at the back?” You could. It’s hard to keep the dread to the same degree if while you are making phone calls, you are bouncing on the ball. It’s hard because there’s silliness.
We then say, “Making calls is way too hard for most people, so we start smaller than that.” I started this with cold calling when people had flip phones. You would flip open the phone. You would pretend to bounce on the ball and maybe wear a clown nose, which nobody can see or put your kid’s little tutu on your head, a silly calling hat. You are looking at me like, “That sounds weird.” I know it sounds weird but this is the backdoor because it’s hard for the same chemistry to happen.
I’m thinking about something else. It’s Michael J Maher who wrote The Seven Levels of Communication. He is a realtor in the industry. He wrote the foreword to my book. He has a little system to get you to do things. I don’t know the exact number that’s on it. On a piece of paper and he provided it in his book, is you have the words, “Do it now,” repeated 70 times.
I don’t know how many times and why I chose the number I did. You sit there before you do something you don’t want to do and you go, “Do it now.” You hash it off and repeat that 70 times. I know the pattern for it. It’s the funniest thing because when you get down to the last one, you reach over, pick up your phone and make the call.
It’s an NLP thing you have done there. We call that an anchor. An anchor is any stimulus that produces a predictable response. Some of them just happen. If you walk through the mall and smell the cologne of your first boyfriend and you feel something, that’s an anchor you did not implant but you can implant them, too. That works infinitely better than the self-talk way. I like self-talk but it can only be part of a complete system.
This backfires, too. People that are sitting home doing affirmations and wondering why it doesn’t work and why they feel worse about it, it’s because it’s a top brain thing and your top brain is in jail. It creates more of this, which is cognitive dissonance where you are fighting yourself. If you were trying to affirm something that you do not believe, you are making a much bigger underground fight. Rather than trying to affirm, “I have $1 million or $100 million in the bank,” when you don’t, you are making it way worse. You are digging yourself into a hole.
You could instead change that this much and say, “Wouldn’t it be nice if I had $100 million or $1 million in the bank?” Change it to a question of, “Wouldn’t it be nice?” There’s a gentleness to that instead of hunger and an attachment. Between the two of those, which one feels more dangerous? Which one feels safer like it’s not a threat? It’s not only you don’t but you lose or you can’t. It kicks up all those negatives.
“How are you going to do that? I’ve got all these reasons why. Who can I talk to? I don’t have the wherewithal.” All of that drips right in immediately.
It sends you down some trail that’s not helpful. For most people, it’s a whole lot of shame because what they are missing is they think, “Tony Robbins and Harv Eker told me I was supposed to do that. It must be working for everybody else. This must prove that I’m this huge loser because it must be working for everybody else.” It’s not. It’s because everybody is coming to it from here.
I was there when I first started in the business. I explain this all the time when I’m doing a Business Planning class. Someone said, “Write down your goals.” I wrote down, “$100,000. Let it be written. Let it be done.” It never happened. The next year, someone said, “You have to tell somebody, too. You write it and then you tell somebody.” I would say, “I want to make $100,000. Wendy, I want to make $100,000 this year. Let it be written. Let it be said. Let it be done.” Nothing happens.
I use that as an example of saying the same thing even if you said, “I want to make $100,000 this year, not to the extreme of $1 million but I wanted to make X amount of dollars this year.” You are going to have all these reasons why you are not going to make $100,000, “I can’t make phone calls. I don’t do cold calling anyway.” If someone is reading and they are like, “I can’t do phone calls or cold calls. I’m afraid to do calls, meet with realtors, stand in front of a room and teach a class. I’m afraid to do all these things. What if the client doesn’t like me? What if my rates are too high?” Now, you don’t make $100,000.
What I’m up to because of where I came from, I’m up to a bigger game than this procrastination thing. This is the door where people find me, the clutter that they have or their inability to come through. I have got this magic way to retrain your alarm but I’m more interested in the shame and self-judgment falling away. You can’t force yourself to do that. Not judging yourself causes you to judge yourself for the judging.It's also very important to own your wins and underline it. Click To Tweet
One of the incredible benefits that happen when people learn how to retrain their alarm is that then you are getting into action. Your action then bears fruit, which is exactly like your book because nothing happens by thinking about it. I tend to be a science nerd with some woo-woo but I don’t believe in the sit on a pillow, affirm it and then it will come. You have to have your feet walk. You have to take action. Confidence comes from taking action, not sitting around being perfect until you are ready. It’s the opposite of that. It’s throwing some stuff at the wall, seeing what sticks and doing with some more.
That increases your emotional intelligence as well because now you can do some problem-solving. You are seeing some things. We know that there’s a direct correlation between emotional intelligence over total intellect and your ability to make more money.
You are out when you are doing that and you are more emotionally intelligent. You are meeting your market and that’s where all the things happen. That’s where the sales happen. Nothing happens when you are sitting back being prepared. What if you could find a way that you could feel safe to meet your market easier, not needing to be perfect? That’s another way to try and be safe.
I’m reminded of this great story I had. When I lead large group calls, I always start with who had a win because it raises the energy and that inspires everybody. One day, this woman came on and she said, “I had a win. We have had X number of dollars increase in the business this week.” It was a bump. I don’t remember the number. It was a lot. I was like, “That’s great. How did that happen?” She said, “I made phone calls. It was great.” “How many did you make?” “About 60 a day.” I was like, “Sixty a day?” because she had been in my program for a month and she had been making no phone calls.
I was like, “Let’s rewind. What was it like last month?” She said, “I hadn’t made calls to anybody for anything in many months. I hate the phone so much. I wouldn’t even get on the phone to invite people to a dinner party. I sent an email.” I was like, “What allowed that to happen?” She said, “I don’t know. I did your thing. I bounced on a ball, wore a stupid calling hat and made pretend phone calls for a couple of weeks. One day, it didn’t seem like any big deal and I started to dial. I made 10 and the next day, I made 20, and then I was making 60.”
It was staggering because one of the things we do, which is also an NLP thing, we have all been taught, “No pain, no gain.” What happens is the weird brain adaptation we have. The brain is always sorting for what’s dangerous and what might be a threat. As soon as something feels like it’s solved, it goes, “Okay, next.” It looks for the next danger and it forgot that last thing ever was a problem. As we were talking, she wasn’t even registering, “It felt like no big deal that I made all this money and make 60 calls a day.” Even though it had been a lifelong thing, as soon as it was fixed and the alarm didn’t see it as dangerous anymore, it was the new normal.
It’s also important to own your wins and underline them. Otherwise, your unconscious mind doesn’t get the message that you crossed the finish line that you wanted. It will sometimes go back and recreate the problem again because you didn’t. There’s another guy I had from Belgium. He was cute because he had been stuck in his business for so long. I let them make up if I give suggestions when they are adding the silliness in and starting the day with a silly action or marrying that with the thing they had been dreading.
In Belgium, they call swimming trunks, swimming pants. He would get up in the morning, pull his swimming pants out of the drawer, put them upside down with the elastic band on his head and start his day. Any expert you would talk to, that shouldn’t make a difference but it did. He has been stuck for so long. The point is that these are counterintuitive things that shifted.
First of all, thank you for not using as many technical terms as most people do. I love the thought process of the 1st, 2nd and 3rd levels. Knowing that will increase the awareness of everybody because I know it will work for me. I will probably think of the treadmill at some point but I know that anything that I’m doing, I’m going to be saying, “Did that get trapped?” I think of physically how I’m feeling doing something, “Did that get trapped and it didn’t allow me to move forward?” The reticular activator will continue to grow and manifest, whether someone does anything about it is going to be the real key thing.
For most of the people that are reading, call reluctance is one thing. I do think it goes across a broad spectrum but not as many people do cold calling in the mortgage industry. It’s more about the conversion factor of loans, even for a realtor. This is for everybody. You met with someone and now they didn’t make the decision right there. They need to think about it or say, “This sounds good. I will get back to you.” The call reluctance hops in because you don’t want to feel like a pest, “I don’t want to bother them and feel like a pest.”
I always tell everybody, “Remember, it’s not a sales call. It’s a service call. You have a service that they need. Think of it as a service call because you are there to help and serve.” This is also an issue that people need to get over. It’s that same thing, “They didn’t take it the first time, so they are probably not going to take it now. I don’t want to call them because I don’t want them to say no and reject me.” If you are reading and that’s you, you need Wendy.
We can solve it. As I have been pointing through our time here to when the brain and the nervous system feel safe, you are suddenly your smartest. You don’t have the resistance that you had. You can do anything like the lady running a mile a day when it feels safe in there but the trick is, “How to make it safe?” When you have had a meeting with somebody and they didn’t buy now, which is most of the time, it’s not we don’t expect them to buy on the first one call close but that is the place that people don’t follow through. That’s the close to the money activity and what’s closest to your money.
People come to me and say, “Any more leads and relationships?” It may not be that. It may be that you have everything you need. If we can get you to do more follow-up, follow-through and avoid whatever it is that’s blocking for you, wherever that’s deeply rooted and what it means for you, then very quickly, your income can increase overnight.
You can’t even know the stories but it’s all about retraining so it doesn’t feel dangerous. The best thing is nobody reading here needs to know how or why their trigger got installed. Yours are different than mine, Jen. Everybody reading is a little bit different. Most people have some junk about money because you inherited whatever your parents ran, their beliefs and programming around money. That’s what you were born in. You and I both know about overcoming that but that’s your set point. This is not like therapy. It’s not like you need to go back and identify, “Why don’t I want to do laundry or make calls?”
“Am I sabotaging myself because I’ve got some limiting belief about money?”
I do run a program on that and some people go deeper that explode. For this movement to not convert, you have gone 98% of the way. You have had the conversation. Your stuff is all ready. You’ve got a way for people to pay you. You know what you are doing but you don’t want to make that follow-up call and see why they haven’t. Part of it is this energy of safety or danger. It can move from learning the Procrastination Cure. If you are in a place where the money is lacking and there’s that hungry energy to make the sale, it puts too much pressure on you. You then worry more about what they will think.
If people reading can imagine, they could for a moment stand on a ladder in your mind’s eye and look down on two versions of yourself talking to these follow-up phone calls. On the one hand, there’s the person who is super attached to the outcome. There’s a hunger in it. In the other one, the other person is not attached. You would love a sale but you know you’ve got many in the pipeline. You’ve got many people to talk to. It’s not going to make or break your month, no matter what this person says. If you feel into those two people, you will notice that the one that’s hungry and attached is scared. The unattached one is not scared.
Prospects are like dogs. They can feel what we were vibing. What this training or system does is what I had to do because I was scared of everything. I couldn’t leave my house after dark for years. My nervous system shouldn’t have been able to be here. I’m here to say, no matter how bad it is for you, it can be different because I retrained it using methods like this. When your little alarm is not triggered by everything or the little alarm gets retooled to go, “That’s okay and safe,” it takes it off the table as a threatening activity. All of a sudden, you find yourself talking to everybody and striking up conversations.
It’s chasing versus having it come to you. You become a magnet for all those things that you were at one point repelling. Wendy, it has been absolutely a pleasure having you here. I thank you for those tips. I encourage those of you reading this to get in touch with Wendy and see how you can break through this in a matter of 90 days.
That’s your choice. You can do nothing and continue to fight this for years or you can do something. Stop talking, take action and get results. The action here is to explore. It’s an exploratory conversation. Wendy, what is the best way for everyone to get in touch with you? I know you have a gift for everybody as well. What’s your best method for people to move forward with this immediately?
The best way is to get a taste of it. We have got a special gift for your people. The place to get that gift is to go to Procrastination-Cure.com/jdp. That way, you will hear the first module of the Procrastination Cure. Plus, another gift that we have, which is valued at $150, that’s about how the brain retrains culturally. We are picking up at certain times of the year on the thoughts, feelings, stress, and emotions of the people around us and how to not do that, and then maximize your momentum during those times of the year.
Those are for your readers and that would be the best way. I have got a contact form for people that want to know more. The Cure is ridiculously easy to have and inexpensive. You don’t even need to carve out hours to listen to it. You download 60 or 70-minute calls to your phone, and then listen for 5 minutes when you are stuck in traffic or line at the grocery store. It will go into your unconscious. It’s easy-peasy.
Thank you for that gift. I appreciate it. If they want to get in touch with you and bypass the free gifts, is it okay to say, “I want to talk to her?”
Procrastination-Cure.com is where you can find out information about how to get in touch with Wendy directly or go to Procrastination-Cure.com/jdp. I encourage you if you are reading, please share this. I know someone who is overweight and doesn’t want to lose weight because she had a bad experience when she was thin. She’s got this wall up and maybe it’s safer to be heavy. If you know someone like that, then definitely share Wendy’s information. They don’t even have to read the entire blog. Send the information to them.
Wendy, thank you for sharing all of this wonderful information. It’s technical but I was engaged throughout the whole thing. This is one of my longest episodes but I’m not going to chop it up. I hope that everyone else was able to read through the end to make the change in their lives. I know I’m going to do it because I’m going to go through and figure out what I have. I know I have some procrastination in some areas. I think we all do. I can’t wait to explore some things with myself, too. Thank you for your time. It was an absolute pleasure.
It was lovely to be able to share with your readers.
We will see you at our next event together. Thank you for taking the time. We will catch you next time on Mortgage Lending Mastery.
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About Wendy Hart
Wendy Hart is an International Speaker and Coach and the creator of “The Procrastination Cure: A Complete System that Compels You to Follow Through (and Make More Money!)” Wendy’s promise is to “increase your follow-through by 3 times or more, in 3 months or less, using less than half of the effort you were using before!”
She has over 20 years of experience in human behavior, sales and psychology. Using little-known tools and cutting-edge brain science, she has developed this unique system that has people end procrastination fast, and for good. Wendy has coached thousands of clients, everything from Pro Golfers to Entrepreneurs and small business owners, and has helped them to reduce anxiety and overwhelm, increase their sales or performance, and get past whatever barriers were causing them to be drained or stuck. When they learn how to get out of the “freeze or dread response” and follow through without effort or will power, success becomes easy.
Also, Wendy’s small business owners have seen their business activity increase by as much as 300% to 1000%, in as little as 90 days or less. Even call reluctance is greatly reduced or eliminated entirely. Wendy was trained at the prestigious Coaches Training Institute. She is a Practitioner of NLP and TPM (Thought Pattern Management,) and IFS (Internal Family Systems Model of Psychotherapy.)
She uses a combination of 18 different psychological, neuroscience and energy modalities in her work with clients. A member of the International Coaches Federation and the International Association of Coaches, Wendy is also a former Board Member of the National Speakers Association, Northern CA Chapter.
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