There will always be good days and bad days. That is why we need to flex and work our courage muscle all the time. In today’s episode, Jen Du Plessis talks about the importance of flexing your courage muscle to overcome our limiting beliefs and challenging ourselves to do something we’ve never done before. Also on today’s show, Jen gives a helping hand to those who want to handle their real estate concerns with the proper knowledge and skills by offering her on-the-spot coaching program. Interested parties are encouraged to send an email support@KineticSparkConsulting.com to join the waiting list. Accepted individuals will join a panel of more than three people, getting an opportunity to become a market influencer.
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Flexing The Courage Muscle And Jen’s On-The-Spot Coaching Program
In this episode, you’re just going to get me, a solo podcast or monologue or what I call Jen’s Dots. I am happy that you’re taking time to join me and reading. I can’t believe it’s been years and it continues to amaze me. I have so much more stuff to talk about all the time. I encourage you to please reach out to me at Jen@JenDuPlessis.com. Let me know what kind of topics you want to hear about, who you’d like to hear from. I can reach out and bring these people onto the show as well. I’m excited that you’re spending time with me. I know that you know in the past years it was funny because people would say, “I listen to you when I work out,” and a couple of my coaching clients say, “I listen to you when I’m driving to work, but now that’s not happening anymore.” I’m sure you’re finding other ways and other times to be able to do it. I know for me, I do the Miracle Morning every morning. While I’m in my savers, I’m listening to podcasts from my colleagues at 1.5 speed so I can get through two a day. It’s what you have to do these days.
You won’t believe when you hear this from me too, but I was reading a book called Procrastinate on Purpose. You don’t have to read the book, I read it for you. This particular solo show is me taking my perspective of this particular book. I thought I’d share it with you because when my husband saw the book sitting around in the house, he said, “What do you mean procrastinate on purpose? I love this.” Probably one of the biggest problems that we have, we’ve been married for years, and it’s the one thing that drives me crazy about him is that he procrastinates. He saw the book and said, “That’s cool, I can procrastinate on purpose.” I said, “As long as you do have purpose.” That’s what I got from this particular book is you have to have purpose.
Many times, I have said that I don’t believe in balance. If you haven’t seen those podcasts or haven’t heard me on stage or heard me talking, the reason I don’t believe in balance is because I always thought of it as standing on two boats next to each other, and both boats are in the water and both boats are moving as you’re standing on them. You’re focusing on the right one and then the left one, more on the right and more on the left. Neither get your attention and you’re exhausted from doing it. This is why balance is such a problem in this world, and I hear it. My teeth cringe when I’m on summits, webinars and speaking events when people say, “I want balance.” Even in my private Facebook group, Mortgage Lending Mastery, people will say, “This is my biggest challenge is trying to have life-work balance.” It’s something that I believe you can never achieve. If you want to continue trying to achieve it, you’re going to be wasting a lot of your precious time.
I believe in going in 100% on one side, then going in 100% on the other. If you look at a scale and it’s balanced, you’re 50/50 on both sides. There’s the problem right there, you’re 50/50 on both sides. You’re a little in and a little in, but not 100% in. If you want to move forward in anything that you’re pursuing whether it’s weight, relationships, business, if you want to afford paying off debt, you have to go all in. The good example of this, and most of us know this who are reading this show, is that if you make the minimum payment on a credit card, it’s going to take you 26 to 30 years to pay it off, if you never charged another dime. I’m talking about making the minimum payment. It doesn’t matter what your balance is because the lower the balance, the lower the minimum payment.
Basically, a credit card making minimum payment is like having a 30-year mortgage, and there’s no equity growth, no tax deduction, no pride of ownership, nothing. In order to pay off a credit card, you have to sacrifice in another area, let’s say not having a latte this week or today if you’re having them every day. You have to sacrifice in one area in order to succeed in another. What you do is you say, “I’m not going to have that latte every single day, or I’m not going to play golf, or I’m not going to do that to sacrifice this one area for a while so that I can dedicate all those funds and redirect all those funds into paying off the credit card quickly.” This is why balance doesn’t work because it’s dabbling everywhere. That’s the key to paying things off. This is all about that balance.
In this book, he talks about the five permissions to multiply your time. I thought this is really good because it’s saying that not everything is equally important. You don’t have to balance everything. Right now, maybe paying off debt is more important than something else. Then later, that something else can become more important than another thing. To get the results in that one area, you have to forego another area for a while. Keep in mind that time goes at the exact same rate, regardless of what you’re doing. What remains all the time is your choices regarding the imbalanced way that you’re going to spend it. This is a topic that I discuss constantly, which is mastering your priorities so you can master your life. It is the cornerstone of my practice is that when you can master your priorities and you can decide, “Where will I be spending my time?” You then can be in control of your life. We don’t master them most of the time. We don’t master priorities or we have this misconception of what a true priority is.
Just because someone calls you and needs your attention does not mean it’s a priority for you. It’s someone else’s priority that they’re dumping onto you. Think through that, I know it’s disrupts people, especially in sales, because we think we have to jump how high and flip over for everybody. If you track those things and most of the time, you’re not even tracking, most people don’t track because they’re too busy doing the flips. If you took the time to determine what that was actually getting, you’d find that you’re not getting the results that you thought you were getting. Managing your priorities to multiply your time.
This is something I say in my practice all the time is that I help loan officers or sales professional, real estate professionals, entrepreneurs, solopreneurs remove the chaos. Those that are feeling overwhelmed and stressed and working these long hours chasing after their business and having their business control them, I help them multiply their results in record time and still have a commanding lifestyle. I do that through helping them manage their priorities and getting them to understand that it’s about the priorities. It’s about client attraction, not client chasing, not referral partner chasing, but client attraction, attracting the clients using your time wisely and prioritizing it so that it’s attracting clients, so that clients come to you, which say saves you time, and then you can prioritize them from there.
There’s a lot of work that gets done with time management. I don’t believe in time management, just like I don’t believe in balance. I don’t believe you can manage time. I believe that you can make choices for prioritizing and getting the best out of your results. Let me give you a couple of statistics on how people spend their time. Most people spend nine years of their life watching TV. Can you imagine what you can do at nine years? I can tell you that my son built hundreds of million-dollar company in eight years. Nine years watching TV, two years of your life looking for stuff. In fact, there’s the statistic out for women that they spend 60 hours a year looking in their purse. Every time I go in my purse, I’d say to my husband, “I’m going in.” Everyone generally spends two years of their lives looking for things. The average person gets 116 emails a day. That’s an hour a day spent on emails. I’ll bet we spend more than that in this particular industry. Why is all these happening? Because they’re overwhelmed with work, there are external distractions, hobbies, all of these things are coming together.
Everything that you do in your life consumes your time, good, bad or indifferent. Time doesn’t care. It just keeps ticking. You have to become capable of prioritizing your time because you have to prioritize it properly. That’s the basics of it. In the book, The 7 Habits of Successful People, there’s a time management matrix. We’ve all seen it in Stephen Covey’s time management, and I’m not going to go over it. That’s something you can look at yourself, working in those four quadrants. We’ve heard about urgent and not urgent, and important and not important. I think that’s a very good analogy. I do appreciate it and I do look to it occasionally, but I have other strategies that I’ve been able to use because it’s very vague for me. Mine comes from a whole different place that I unfortunately don’t have time to talk about.The number one reason that people don't succeed is their beliefs. Click To Tweet
Here’s the delusion that we have on prioritizing. We’re constantly pulling away from things that we know are important, but somehow don’t demand our attention right now. For example, maybe it’s important for you to do a complete market analysis for a comparison market analysis if you’re a real estate agent or doing a loan analysis for a client, but the phone rang. We are constantly being pulled away from these distractions, the phone rang, so that becomes important. Even if that phone call is from a friend that’s going, “Do you want to go golfing this weekend?” That choice like that is where it really begins. If this is truly important for you to do an analysis for a client and you promised them you were going to get it to them by a certain period of time, then now you have excuses for why that didn’t happen because all these distractions came in.
It’s a matter of saying, “If this is that important, then my phone has to be turned off while I do this activity. When I’m done with this activity, I can check my phone and see that my buddy called, text them and say, “I got your message. Sure, it sounds good.” There’s no need to have a conversation. If you want to have a conversation, you could, but it’s priorities. What happens is we don’t really have priorities, we just have whatever comes to us next. Somehow, whatever this thing that comes in demand to us gets our attention because we make these emotional decisions rather than rational choices when it comes to how we’re going to spend our time. It’s emotional for us.
My phone is on silent all the time. It never rings ever. If you were to call me, I’m probably going to miss your call because I’m doing other things. The phone is not important to me. I love my phone, believe me. I’m just like every one of us. I look down on it constantly and all that good stuff, but it’s off because the distractions of the ping and having different phone rings from different people and vibrations, and all those things drives me crazy. My husband’s phone does that and it actually stresses me out for his business. As you all know, he’s in the mortgage business as well. It’s constant ding, ding, ding, and that’s inviting in distractions. I will get to my phone, look at my phone, but at the designated time once I have completed all the things that I deemed to believe are priorities for moving the needle forward on my business on a daily basis. I think that’s really important.
Let’s go through the five permissions to procrastinate on purpose. We’ll go ahead and start going through those here. One is eliminate the permission to ignore. Remember, this is called Procrastinate on Purpose. Instead of watching TV and seeing that as a priority, record the show and watch it later. You don’t have to watch it while it’s happening. You can watch it later. It doesn’t mean that when later comes, you get to binge-watch everything. Set aside a time for it. Give yourself permission to ignore other things. When you say yes to something, you’re saying no to something else. If you’re saying yes to TV, then you’re saying no to getting that comparison done. If you’re saying yes to TV, you’re saying no to your family. If you’re saying yes to TV, maybe you’re saying no to working out. Anytime that you’re saying yes to something, you’re saying no to something else. That’s okay if the yes is a priority of yours, but do you even know if it’s a priority?
I think it’s important that there’s no need to explain why. People say this all the time, “I say yes to my real estate agents or my clients at late at night, and I didn’t want to tell them that I have a recital with my kid. I’ll say yes to them and then put my kids on the side.” I think that’s crazy. There’s no need to explain. Just say, “No, I have another appointment.” That’s all you have to say, “Unfortunately, no, I’m busy at that time.” The most important, immediate area you can prove on to multiplying your time, to getting your time back right now is to eliminate the TV, eliminate long emails, make them short. Eliminate long text, make them short. Eliminate long texts by doing audio text. Here’s a big one. Reviewing and checking already made decisions is such a waste of time. I think about that. I was reading this one book, and it was funny because I was like, “Do I do that? Do I review and check already made decisions?” I realized I do. I touch paper quite a bit.
I remember years ago, I used to have this philosophy of touching paper once. I only touch it once, take action on it and move it away. I got to the point where I was carrying around everything with me. That same piece of paper will be flipping and flopping and it’s still in the pile. I move it down in the back of the pile and up to the pile and make some notes on it, highlight it and redraw it, actually rewrite a list because it got too messy. I’m thinking, “I cannot believe that I am reviewing and checking already made decisions,” or I’ve not even made the decision because apparently it wasn’t a priority, but I’m thinking it needs to be a priority and it’s distracting me because I’m keeping it on a list when obviously it’s not a priority, or it would have been done. Are you with me on that? Are you getting this?
The other is unnecessary meetings. That’s a challenge. As I talked to those loan officers and realtors here on this show is the loan officers tend to call realtors to ask for meetings, and realtors think they’re unnecessary. It’s very rare that a real estate agent calls a loan officer. I believe that real estate agents don’t understand how powerful loan officers can be for their business because they’ve had an experience in the past that has led them to believe that all loan officers want is just referrals. If you’re a loan officer who that’s all you want from a real estate agent, you’re missing the boat and realtors, you’re missing the boat too. You’re missing the boat on the opportunity to expand your business. Especially now that we’re in COVID, everybody wants every meeting to be Zoom. We hate Zoom, yet we ask for every meeting to be Zoom versus pick up the phone, “Let’s have a quick phone call.”
I experienced that ironically. I’m taking a year-long leadership class because I know leadership has changed in the 21st century. It’s changed over the last few years. This year 2021, the big buzz word is in all industries across all of my coaching, the mortgage industry, the real estate industry, I’m seeing it with the speakers that I work with. Everybody’s talking about leadership. I thought, “Let me take a leadership class this year.” All year long, I’m taking a leadership class. I needed to interview somebody and when I called, I said, “Can I take 15, 20 minutes of your time to do a quick interview with you?” She said, “Yeah, let’s hop on Zoom.” I said, “No, I don’t really need a Zoom. I just need to talk to you for 15, 20 minutes.” That takes extra time because I’m a woman, that means I have to make sure I look okay and all that crazy stuff. I think it’s extra time and it’s not needed. Think about the unnecessary meetings that is it truly important that you have a meeting about this, or could it be resolved through a series of texts, a series of audios? Then measure that, is that too time consuming? There are mishaps that happened in the communication versus just having the meeting. Looking at, “Are they unnecessary?”
Soliciting unnecessary feedback, make your decision and move forward. It’s not necessary to get feedback from other people especially when it’s unnecessary feedback. If you know where it needs to go, then just go with it. You don’t need to ask everybody’s opinion on everything. If you need counsel, that’s one thing. Let me tell you about that really quick. My opinion is grandma telling you how you should run your business because she was a homemaker and she knows how you should run your business. That’s opinion. There’s no expertise behind it. Counsel is a whole other thing. That’s soliciting necessary feedback. Getting council from someone who’s an expert that has been where you want to go is where you want to go.
For example, like me, I’ve been a top producer, I’ve done a billion-dollar funding. I’ve been in the industry for many years. I’ve been a lot of places where you want to go, so getting counsel from someone like me as a mentor or coach is smart. Getting pinion from other people is not smart. I would say that about myself too. I’m not talking about most of the people that are reading or anything. I’m saying that this is something I have to contend with too, is do I want an opinion from my husband who doesn’t know how to create funnels and landing pages, sales pages and things like that? Or do I want to go to someone who creates those and get a better result because I’ll get my result faster?Tactics alone aren't enough if the story you're telling yourself doesn't change. Click To Tweet
The next thing is explaining things to others. You don’t need to explain things to others. Obviously, we’re in the lending and real estate business, we need to explain how things work. I’m talking about there’s no need to over-explain or justify things. The next thing is over-volunteering, and I don’t know that anyone’s doing that right now. I love to volunteer and work in charity. The way that I had read this, the way I perceived it when it came in was over-volunteering, meaning saying yes to everything, “Yes, I can do this and that and the other.” Then you look back and think, “No wonder I don’t have any time because I filled my calendar up so full that there’s no time for the things that are important for my life.” When you’re deciding whether to say yes or no to doing anything is looking at your calendar and looking at the timeframes around it both the day before, the day after, the time of the day, what you’re doing before and after whatever it is you’re being asked to do. Then look at the weeks before and after. Do you have enough time in the other areas to be able to accomplish what you want to accomplish?
Number two is automate. Give yourself permission to invest in anything that will help you automate. Time is money and time can be bought. That’s what’s good about it is that time can be bought and multiplied with money. What I mean by that is I don’t like doing certain things, so I invest in someone else to do them because that gives me back more time where I can make more money. It’s doing activities that are above the pay grade of the person that I’m hiring. It ends up multiplying what you make every single time. It’s not investing in a dull and repetitive practice that someone else could do for you. Hopefully that’s resonating with you a little bit more.
Excuses cost more. Lack of knowledge costs more. There is a fine line. I get that if you don’t have the funds to hire someone for social media and you want to learn social media, go ahead and learn it. There will be a time where you can’t dedicate it to that, and social media posting and interaction and engagement may end up being something that isn’t as important as something else. It can be delegated to someone else. Automation is to your time, what compound interest is to your money. When you can hand off something to someone else, it allows you to manifest, create, implement, execute on, and create the momentum in the area you want to create. That compounds on itself all the time.
Delegation, number three. I kind moved into the delegation part of it. It’s realizing that delegation is important. I think it’s also important to give yourself permission for imperfect delegation. What I mean by that is that I realized this several years ago when my business started getting more and more busy, and you’re first new and you have one or two families that you’re helping all year. You can covet them and hold them close and call them George. You can babysit the entire process, but when it starts getting bigger and bigger, you’re not able to execute on everything that you did before in the capacity that you did. For example, I’ve heard people say and I said it myself I had this chip on my shoulder, they want me because I built this thing and I provide them this great service and I’m always available and all these things that I say.
What I started realizing was that when my volume got higher, I was actually doing everything a little half-ass. I was starting to not do everything 100% I thought I was, but I wasn’t doing everything 100%. I was slowly disseminating, slowly diminishing down where maybe my phone conversation with a client wasn’t exactly 100%, it’s now 60% and it required that I go back and ask more questions because I wasn’t quite there the first time. It might require that I overlook things in loans. It might indicate that I missed a meeting because I overbooked myself or I didn’t know or something. What ends up happening is where you are 100% when you have a small amount of volume that you’re doing in a lot of different capacities. You’re 100% when your volume increases and you’re struggling for time, you’re looking for time and you can’t find time, you need time. In fact, someone in the Mortgage Lending Mastery group said one of their struggles is getting more done with less time. It’s not about getting more done with less time. It’s about getting less done with the time.
Whenever I hired someone, they weren’t as good as I was. They were like, “I don’t want to hire him because I might as well just do it myself.” How many times have we all said that? “Might as well just do it myself because they can’t do it.” They’re doing it at 80%, when technically you’ve been doing it at 60% because of your volume. We have to give back credit where credit’s due and assess and say, “It’s okay.” They’re not perfect like we used to be, but they’re more perfect than we are by far. Have them do the unimportant and not urgent tasks to get them off of your plate.
Number four, permission to not complete a task, it’s a decision that now is not the right time to do it. This did happen to me. Remember I was telling you about the papers moving back and forth? I went through that list and I said, “I’m going to give myself permission to not have to do this right now. I’m going to put it what I always call a parking lot. I’ll put it on my parking lot and I’ll revisit it later.” It’s funny because for 2021, I went through all of my content from 38 years of speaking, coaching, lending and teaching for years and years and personal growth, all of that. I had gone through all my content and I had a ream of paper, 500-plus pages of paper of content. I was carrying it around my house. I put it in this pile and then I put it by this and I’ll do it in the morning and I’ll put it here and I’ll do it there.
It was really stressing me out and I couldn’t get through it. I kept saying, “I’m so far behind. I need to work on this.” I realized that I don’t have to bite off all 500-plus pages. Let me take a handful, which ended up being 9, 10, 12 pages. I put the whole ream into a cabinet in my office and put the difference in my hands and said, “Let me bite off small pieces.” That’s giving myself permission. It’s like procrastinating on purpose, not feeling like, “I have to get 500 and some pages done,” but rather I just need to get 8 or 9 done today, then I’ll go pull another 8 or 9 and get them sorted.
You can see on one of my stories on Facebook, thankfully I finally got it all done. It was funny because I read this book some time ago, but it was one of those things where I said, “What can I do? I teach people how to do this, so let me put myself in their shoes.” That’s why we all need coaches, even I need a coach. I’m having a hard time not even sorting it. It’s just, “How do I want to categorize it?” Getting help from my coach to be able to do that as well. It pays off when waiting to do these other activities, but it allows you to start creating patience in your life that everything isn’t super important, that everything isn’t last minute.
Interesting enough, in the perspective of whether or not you’re considering buying a service or something, it reduces the unexpected cost changes as well. What happens a lot of times is if you make a decision too quick, and this is buyer’s remorse, you revisit your decisions you’ve already made. Then what happens is you start saying, “I want to make some changes to it,” and that starts costing more money. It’s better sometimes to delay the decision and make the decision when the time is right and make it fast when the time is right. My uncle used to say, “Early is risky. Last minute is right on time. It reduces the costly changes.” I could never understand it until I got into the business.Get yourself in front of the wave with a better mindset versus a bitter mindset. Click To Tweet
There’s a saying, “If you’re early, you’re on time. If you’re on time, you’re late. If you’re late, don’t bother.” It’s something used in sports and everything. I like it in our business too. It’s of the same process here is that when you feel like you have to make decisions quickly, procrastinate sometimes and make better decisions because you’ve had time to think through all the other options that might be there. There is a fine line in working through that.
Number five is concentrate. It’s permission to protect, to say, “Let me concentrate on this. Let me see how this is going to look in the long haul because if it’s significant and it matters in the long run, then I want to take the necessary time to make the decision. Is what I’m doing right now the most important, significant use of my time?” This is something that I share with my clients all the time, “Is what you’re doing right now the most significant use of your time?” If it’s no, then push it aside for a later decision, put it in your parking lot or delegate it to someone else and have it be a priority for them. Your highest obligation is to your highest self. That’s The bottom line. Your highest priority is to making sure you take care of you personally, professionally, psychologically, mentally, with your family, spiritually, all of it. That’s your number one priority. Master your priorities so you can master your life. It’s recognizing what is the highest obligation for you at that moment? Is it reading emails? Is it picking up the phone? Is it watching, listening to all the bells and whistles because of Clubhouse, Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter or any of that? is that the highest priority or the highest obligation that you have for yourself at that moment? If it’s not, give yourself permission to procrastinate it.
Procrastinate it on purpose, so that you can get done what you need to get done, to move the needle on whatever it is you’re working on your business, your personal life, your finances, your physical wellbeing, whatever it is. Give yourself permission to procrastinate returning phone calls, because you’ll get to them. You will get to them when it’s not someone else’s priority necessarily. You’ll have to think through those and try to figure out what is necessary, what isn’t necessary. Watch the Fast Track Fridays that I have in the Mortgage Lending Mastery private Facebook group. If you’re not a member, just apply. Watch that because there is a difference between being on demand and being in demand. You have to make that decision every day, all day long, whether you’re going to be a person who is on demand all the time, everybody else has priorities, or whether you’re going to be in demand and have your own priorities, and then reach back out to people at appropriate times and not losing business. Reaching out to them appropriate times when you can dedicate 100% of your time and attention to serving them. Rather than whimsically responding and then not remembering the conversation because something else was important to you, but you decided to take on someone else’s priority.
Anyway, that’s my thought on that particular book. Read through the book if you want, but you don’t have to, I just gave you all the cliff notes. I hope that you go in here and look at this a little bit and that this makes a change in your business. As always, I appreciate you reading. If this is your first time, welcome to the community. Please write us a review. Take a minute here to scroll all the way down to the bottom and write a review and give us a five-star rating. Always let us know what you’re looking to see, “I wish she would talk about this.” You can certainly put that in the review if that’s what you want. You can also email us at Support@KineticSparkConsulting.com. We will take on any suggestions or requests that you all have.
While I have you here, I want to remind you that we have the Cracking The Top Producer Code Workshop on February 12th, 13th and 14th of 2021. It’s a free event. It’s virtual, it’s for two days from 11:00 AM to 6:00 PM Eastern time on Friday and Saturday. Bring your team, bring your referral partners with you, so that you can learn some of the tips, techniques, strategies and a-has for both mindset and the tactical piece of running your business in these soaring 20s during COVID, to ensure that the momentum that you’re experiencing right now and reeling in continues for today and beyond. I will catch you next time. Thank you so much.
Here’s what I want to talk to you about, and I want to start off with a story that will bring all of this together. It’s a story about an eagle and a crow. A lot of people don’t know this, but the only bird that dares to peck at an eagle is the crow. What it does is it flies up and it sits on the back of the eagle and it bites and pecks at its neck. However, the key here is the eagle does not respond, nor does he fight with the crow, even though he’s three times his size. The eagle doesn’t waste time or energy on the crow at all. It simply opens its wings and begins to rise higher into the sky and into the heavens. The higher the flight, the harder it is for the crow to breathe, then the crow falls off due to lack of oxygen. Stop wasting your time with crows. Stop wasting your time with people who peck at you, who dig at you, who want to start a fight with you, who won’t go along with you. Take them to your higher heights and they’ll simply fade away.
We’re going to be talking about setting expectations, your process and operations to help you soar. What if we thought about the thought behind, what if life happened for us rather than to us? This eagle could easily be saying, “Why is this crow on my back? Why is he bugging me? Why is he fighting at me and pecking at me?” It’s the same for us. We think, “Why is this happening to me, rather than why is this happening for me?” In the example of the eagle, because it’s happening for them, it spreads their wings and soars them to new heights, so they can eliminate this pest of theirs. If we look at it in the same way, it can change our outcome, the true outcome that we’re looking for, where you are now versus where you want to be.
In COVID for example, what if we were thankful and look back on this time as a foundation for our business and our life? At the end of the COVID challenge, wherever you are in business now, you will know new things. Bringing those new things on in a positive light and looking at it as, “This is happening for me, not to me, not the negative naysayers but the positive outlookers.” Is it possible that it could be the gasoline or the rocket fuel that propels you to heights you never even thought about? It’s seeing today, tomorrow and every day moving forward as a gift. It’s a gift that you have the choice of either being bitter about or being better about.When you're vulnerable, it's attractive. Click To Tweet
Flex Your Courage Muscle
I’m going to encourage you to use your courage muscle, and it takes courage because there’s so much negativity around us all the time. Sans COVID, there’s negativity around us all the time, naysayers around us all the time, but I’m going to encourage you to use your courage muscle, to take massive action to get yourself off the sideline and get yourself into the game. For me, I feel like the number one reason that people don’t succeed is their beliefs. I’m a product of that as well. Many of you know that I’ve struggled in the past, in my practice and in my life, because it was the limiting belief I carried with me that I was not worth anything, that I would never become anything. That limiting belief is what propelled me. It was a story I told myself that I had to work endless hours and be the best I could possibly be.
Quite frankly in my limiting belief, it was to be the best. That limiting belief also held me back. Of course, it moved me forward in my case. It may not be in your case maybe, but it also held me back because it didn’t allow me to make good quality decisions, wise decisions for myself. I was always looking for something bigger and better to be able to prove to people that I was not that person, that lie that was inside of me all the time. I still struggle with it. I know that a lot of us do, even when we get over our limiting beliefs, they are still always going to be there. I want you to consider taking massive actions to get off those sidelines and into the game. It does take courage. It’s a muscle that has to be developed, a muscle that you have to constantly work on when that inner voice starts talking negatively to you.
Beliefs stop most people from success and it’s not a visible thing. We run around trying to do all the tactics and the strategies, but this is an invisible thing that prevents us from being successful. That’s what makes it so hard. We can’t see it, touch it and move it. It’s that story that we tell ourselves subconsciously, the imposter syndrome that we have on occasion. The ‘I can’t’ story, “Because I’m not in the right area. My company is this or that. I’m new. I’m too old in the business. I don’t want to start over. I don’t have a husband. I don’t have a wife. I have a family that’s holding me back. I didn’t have the privileges. I didn’t go to school.” We tell ourselves, “I could do that but here are all the reasons why.”
Whenever you find yourself saying that, you’re identifying your limiting beliefs those invisible things for you. It all stems from that place, that thought, that lies used to protect us. These lies are there to protect us. They’re not there to protect us, but they are there protecting us as a defense mechanism so that we don’t get hurt, so that we don’t look like we failed and numerous other reasons. I want to bring this to the forefront. Let me ask you this. Who’s steering your ship? Are you or is your ship sinking because of that limiting belief? Is it someone or something on the outside that you’re telling yourself, “When COVID hit and COVID is over, then I’m going to this, I can’t do something because it’s COVID?”
I’m hearing a lot of my clients saying, “I can’t have one-to-ones because it’s COVID.” You can, you can do Zoom calls. You can have actual conversations on the phone and using those external influences to hold you back. Others may be saying, “Others have teams. I don’t have a team, that’s why I can’t move forward. Other companies are better. Their turn times are better. Other companies pay more commission. They’re larger, they’re smaller. They have construction, they have renovation. They set up teams. They have training,” all of those things, those external influences that we’re telling ourselves. This is still a story that you’re telling as to why you aren’t doing more business, or is this something on the inside, the inner voice saying, “I’ve tried this before, it won’t work. If I were smarter, if I had more tenure, if I had more money, I’m not good enough. I need to learn more. Maybe I need a different company,” that girl lives in me too. We have to fight it every day. That’s where that courage muscle comes in. When it happens, that muscle gets developed in a manner that helps you overcome it.
Definitely, I can tell you that I’ve overcome it several times and I’m slowly chipping away at that bitterness of my past in preventing me from being successful the way I want to be successful. There are good days and bad days, but that’s why that muscle needs to be worked all the time. I’m not sharing anything new, but I want to give you some perspective to bring this home, especially right now during COVID. It’s a great story of two restaurants. I know that each of you could be going down and driving down in your town and seeing, “They closed. They’re doing great.” We’ve been to restaurants that are doing well. We’re finally able to go to some restaurants that do well, yet the restaurants we wanted to go to aren’t there anymore or haven’t reopened. They still have the sign up saying, “Closed due to COVID.”
The Story Of Two Restaurants
Let’s take two restaurants during COVID, 3 miles apart from each other. One’s on one street. One’s on the other one. Restaurant owner has his arms crossed, leaning back saying, “Where’s my cheese? Who moved my cheese?” which by the way is a great book, Who Moved My Cheese, saying, “Give me my cheese back,” negative, bitter. While the other one looks for new ways, new ventures, tactics and methods, challenging themselves to do something they’ve never done before. The first says it’s a blame game, blaming everybody for COVID, mad and he shuts down his doors and he’s bitter. The second one says, “We’re going to get better during this time.” He goes to Lowe’s and he builds an outside drive through, has 6-foot social distancing, reopens in two days and he grows massively. What’s the difference? The same, same virus, same situation. They’re in the same town. The difference is that one person lied to themselves. That inner voice started lying, the limiting beliefs. While the other changed his story. Tactics alone aren’t enough. He went out to Lowe’s, he built the drive-through and had social distancing. That’s a tactic, but it can’t start. It’s not enough if the story doesn’t change your mindset, if the story you’re telling yourself doesn’t change.
Let’s go forward five years from now, what are these two restaurant owners going to be saying? The first one’s going to be saying, “COVID killed my business. I had to shut down. The government didn’t help me. I’m mad,” being bitter. While the second restaurant owner says, “COVID was a new beginning for me. Thank goodness for COVID, I never would have grown this much. If it hadn’t been for COVID, I now have five restaurants,” better not bitter. What was the difference? Very simply, the lie that was told to themselves. What does that mean for us? Whether we’re in COVID or out of COVID at the time that you’re reading, we’re always going to have our own COVID. It’s like recession. When the world has a recession, we think everybody is in recession, but we have our own recessions all the time. There are all kinds of times when you lose a big account, you lose a deal with a client who was very influential at a company that you were doing business with, that interest rates go up, that values of homes drop, all of that. We have our own COVID all the time. It’s how we respond to it that’s going to make the difference as to whether we are successful or we become a failure in business.
Be Bitter Or Get Better
What does this mean for us? It means that your beliefs impact your business day in, day out, every single day, they impact your business. They did a year ago. Think about where you were a year ago. Were you experiencing some outside influence that changed your story, that your limiting beliefs held you back? These beliefs impact your business today, and I promise you, they’re going to impact your business in the future. It’s your choice to either be bitter or get better. When a guideline changes, when a new state contract comes out, all of that is your choice to be bitter about it or to get better. Honestly, that’s when you change your story and move to simplicity and growth because they live right on the other side of the complexity you may be feeling or telling yourself.
Let’s get in front of that wave. How do we get ourselves in front of the wave? I’m going to ask you some questions. Think about the stories you’re telling yourself right now, and the outside influences that are impacting the volume of business you’re expecting to do, or the changes that you want in your practice right now. What are the inside stories? What are the self-talks? What does that look like? What does it sound like? Once you’ve written those down, ask yourself this question. What changes have you made to help your clients and your referral partners with setting expectations so that you can change the end of the story? Particularly right now when it’s very busy, and I have to say, if you’re listening to this and it’s not busy, you have to set expectations as well to help people through bad times and low times. You have to level up, dig in and lean into that relationship, and lean into serving and over-serving.
What changes have you made? Are you just standing back and complaining about and doing the blame game? Ask yourself what have you changed in your process to up-level your ability to over-perform and create raving fans? Remembering that raving fans are loyal and they stick with you, they stay with you. This may sound mundane in the process, but as you’re spreading your wings and going to these higher heights, and you have these outside influences and these internal struggles that you have, it’s important to look at your process as well. You get consumed with you that you fail to look at and remember those that are serving you and trusting you to come to you for business. What’s changed in your process? What shifts have your company made? What shifts have you made in your team to serve increased volume, to help during cases of lower volume? What shifts have been made and how do you adapt to the shifts that your company makes? How do you help your team adapt to the shifts that you make? What brainstorming have you done? Is your brainstorming waking up at 2:00 in the morning and panicking?
I want to ask you, what action could you take now to get yourself in front of the wave, with a better mindset versus a bitter mindset, and taking the reins and getting out off of the sidelines and into that game? Helping your courage muscle grow and develop, finding new ventures instead of throwing your hands up and saying, “I don’t know what else to do,” because see the powers in you. Everything we have in our life is choice. The way that we choose to respond to negative, positive, encouraging, inspirational, motivational, the way we respond is everything. I encourage you to go back through this, read and journal about it. What are those limiting beliefs? What is the story that you’re telling yourself, so that you can emerge high in the sky, spreading your wings like the second restaurant owner instead of the first restaurant owner, in times of high volume and low volume? Both have a major impact for you.
I want to end our time here together with a quote from one of my favorite people, Jim Rohn. Here’s what he said, and I think it’s pertinent for this particular training, “Don’t let your learning lead to knowledge. Let your learning lead to action.” You’ve learned something here that says, “I got it. There’s a story. There’s an eagle and a crow. There are a couple of restaurant owners. I learned that. It’s great. Am I bitter or better?” but you don’t take the time to journal it, to change your process, to set new expectations and shift those expectations to meet today’s marketplace, so that you can get yourself ahead of that wave and emerge flying high in the sky while everyone else falls to the ground because they didn’t have enough oxygen to keep going. That’s your challenge for today. I’ll talk to you soon.
How are you? I know I’ve mentioned this several times on the show but I want to make sure that we got it again. We are offering the opportunity to do live coaching with me in a panel setting as part of the show. If you are interested, you have a challenge or you have a struggle that you have. You want to grow your team, but you’re not sure how to do it or you have some basic questions about your business. I would love to have the opportunity to coach you as part of one of our episodes. I’m excited for this opportunity. We already have some people that have signed up, so there’s a waiting list, but get yourself on the list to have that opportunity to be a market influencer.
I’ve mentioned this several times before. When you’re vulnerable, it’s attractive. When you we’re willing to go out and say, “I have a struggle and I need some help.” The bottom line is, if you want the help, then get it. It’s an offer I’m making to everybody. That vulnerability isn’t that you don’t want your loan or your real estate agents to hear about it or you don’t want your loan officers that “I’ve got this myself,” and being strong. It’s a defense mechanism and it’s not attractive. What makes people attractive is when they’re very vulnerable saying, “I have a problem, I need help. Can you all help me?” The best part about it is when it’s all said and done, you’re going to get the help that you need to move your business forward.
I’m going to encourage you again to send an email to Support@KineticSparkConsulting.com and we’ll get you on that waiting list and get you into a panel of no more than three people. I won’t do two people, but I need three but not four. We’ll use that time in an episode to answer your questions and get some on the spot coaching. I look forward to having that opportunity to help you out. If you feel it’s relevant for you, then get yourself on this. We’re going to be doing it all year long in 2021. I’m excited about this opportunity and I hope that you want to take advantage of it as well. I’ll talk to you soon.