Despite what we may have been taught, it turns out that procrastination is not a product of laziness at all. There is a cure for procrastination, and it has less to do with summoning your willpower than with doing a little thing called neuro-linguistic programming. International speaker and coach Wendy Hart talks about this on the show with host, Jen Du Plessis. Wendy is the creator of The Procrastination Cure, a system that uses neuroscience to help people deal with their procrastination. With over twenty years of coaching experience, she has accumulated the necessary tools to help entrepreneurs optimize their time and increase productivity. Listen as she explains the science behind our predisposition towards procrastination and how we can take active steps to conquer it. It’s going to be a tricky battle between you and your brain, so you better brace yourself.
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Beating Procrastination Through Neuro-Linguistic Programming With Wendy Hart
I have a wonderful guest by the name of Wendy Hart. You’re beautiful. I appreciate you coming on the show and your beautiful insight as I’m learning as well. I want to share with everybody about you and what you do. She’s an international speaker, coach, and the Creator of the Procrastination Cure, a complete system that compels you to follow through and make more money. She’s coached pro golfers, entrepreneurs, and business owners to help reduce anxiety and overwhelm to increase their sales performance. It is the key to what we want to talk about here on the show. Wendy, welcome.
Thanks, Jen. It’s nice to be with you again. We had the privilege to meet at a conference and we connected and had this simpatico. It’s great to be here and share this science with your audience.
We’re going to get scientific, but we’re also going to get a little technical because we want both sides of this. One of the things that you focused on is Procrastination Cure using NLP, the acronym for Neuro Linguistic Programming. My daughter-in-law has a Master’s degree in Linguistics.
That’s the science of excellence. Most of the people that are super achievers in the world have all had coaches along the way, like Olympians. Many of them have used the brain science. That’s one technique that comes at it from a different direction.
I’ve been exposed as a speaker with my coaches and things like that. There’s a lot of that out there. What I would like to start off with is tell us why you have such a passion for this particular topic. I know you have a passion for a lot of topics, but this particular topic, what brought you to it?
Necessity is the mother of invention. I was the most profoundly stuck person that you’ve ever met. You had an interesting upbringing. I had an upbringing that was too colorful even for The Jerry Springer Show, for people that are Americans reading this. It was too nuts for reality television. I had brilliant, attractive parents who were also mentally ill. They were abusive to a degree that’s hard to describe. My brother and I grew up with nervous systems that were attuned. They were programmed to be in survival all the time. I was afraid I was going to die all the time. This is from a young age. You’re swimming in chemistry. I had procrastination overwhelm, self-esteem lower than dirt. I had a startle response like the moon. I would jump into the air. It was hard to function. Thankfully, when I was a little kid, I remember thinking, “If I ever make it out of this house, I am going to discover darn it what lets people thrive and be happy and I’m going to tell everybody that will listen.”
By the time I was in college, I thankfully got a scholarship to college. While other kids were going to parties, I was in the library reading psych abstracts trying to figure out how I could handle my nightmares and all that stuff. I went on this crazy quest for decades. Everybody else is dating and Wendy is reading. The gift was I had a particular curiosity and drive and ability to cherry-pick because I went through stuff so other people don’t have to. I studied brain chemistry. I had lots of therapy, which was great. Neuroscience, hypnosis and every personal development program, you name it. I got my life out of books. I cherry-picked because nothing worked. These little bits put together became a new original recipe. It started after college. I was singing. I was working as a singer and dancer in Chicago.Procrastination is not your fault. It’s not a character issue, but a neurophysiological one. Click To Tweet
I wanted to go to Broadway. I wanted to heal so I wouldn’t age out of all of that. I got over my stage fright with this recipe, all-green chemistry, sneaky brain hacks. I ended up teaching. I’m a natural teacher. I taught 300 different singers in Chicago how to do it, but we were poor. That’s a population that has no money. I was like, “Where else can this go?” It worked to get rid of anxiety and overwhelm and have people follow through. I’m like, “Where else could it go?” I don’t golf, but I said, “Golfers, this would help them not clutch on the course.” I called around and said, “Who knows somebody?” A friend of a friend said, “I know a guy who’s tried twenty years and they can’t break 90. He’s had three lessons a week for twenty years.” In a dozen of phone calls, he was scratch on the phone and I never met him. It was the same brain science. His course pro broke a 35-year record in the PGA with five phone calls with me. It was nutty. That was working.
That’s how I got into sales because I started coaching golfers. I still coach golfers and get crazy results with them. People that golf for fun, a lot of them have businesses and they were entrepreneurial. They would say, “I dropped nine strokes already. I’m selling better. Can you help my team?” I’m like, “Yes.” It then became the call reluctance cure. It was stage fright cure and then it was the golf. You’re the best mental golf and then you’re the call reluctance cure. That was good but then I stumbled upon a woman who was an ex Tony Robbins trainer and she had a collection. She had a group of several thousand home-based businesswomen. I didn’t know that I’d like them. I fell in love with coaching them because they were coachable. The point with when people are entrepreneurial, when you’re running your own business, there’s no one to be accountable to.
You’re not punching a clock. You’ve got to do it on your own. I found that particularly when people had a home office and they were trying to juggle. They’re being pulled by family members, their anchors, and there are all these things. It’s easy to get distracted and then people would not follow through and they would go to shame. That’s how it got the name, the Procrastination Cure. The truth is this could equally be called the Overwhelm Cure or the Great Reducer of Anxiety. The same brain science works for that. I moved from a woman who should have been dead twenty ways from Sunday to thriving. I get to serve clients. I’ve served thousands of people on six different continents to triple their follow-through. The system is interesting. It’s hacks from all over the place, but they’re the opposite. I’m the opposite of Gary Vee and Tony Robbins. These are great people that I admire. I do the backdoor sneaky way, not the driven willpower way.
One of the things is that the subtitle of my show is, “Stop talking, take action, get results,” which for me is stop it. Stop talking, take action, and get results. The challenge is always, I want to stop talking. I want to get results, but I don’t know how to take the action. You know what to do but you don’t know how to do it. That’s what I feel from my coaching perspective is what keeps people from taking action is they don’t know how to do it. It may not be that they’re procrastinating. I know you’re going to counterbalance this and I want you to because I know there’s that to it. A lot of times people are numb because they’re like, “I know I need to do this. I don’t know how.” The next step is, “Let’s find somebody.” We get trapped into the, “I don’t know how,” they don’t even recognize the resources and tools that might be available to them. You’re going to go deeper into this and that’s what I’m curious about. What are some triggers that people could use, a hack? Are there triggers that people could use it when they identify that they’re in that procrastination mode? I have a client who is a perfectionist.
It goes hand in hand with this.
Before she can take action and nothing will ever be perfect, she therefore, doesn’t take action. Are there some triggers that we can identify in ourselves, some exercises we could do, or some self-talk we could do that would help us get over that hump to at least start exploring what the next step might be?
I’m going to backtrack a little bit because there are a couple of things we need to cover first or people will be lost. Everything you said was completely accurate. There are two different segments of people. You work with the people who are paralyzed because they don’t know what to do. That’s completely valid because that does freeze people up and it doesn’t work. There’s another slice which I find that is maybe bigger because if people are honest to goodness, tell the truth about it, most people know what to do.
A lot of my clients that are like that, they know what to do, they just don’t do it. They don’t take action to learn how.
If you said it was about somebody else. If you ask somebody the question, “I’m in mortgage lending, I’m stuck, and I’m not calling my people back. What would somebody do who didn’t have my limits, considerations, beliefs, or any of that background? If somebody wanted to win at this, what would they do?” Most people can list exactly what steps you need to take to get the results you want. Most people know what to do, but get themselves to do it. It’s more of a ‘can’t get yourself to do it,’ not ‘won’t get yourself to do it.’ Here’s why because I’m coming from the physiology side and the brain. Your explanation is all accurate, but it has a big, giant presupposition in it. A presumption that I think it’s most people had to trouble. You miss top .003% of success in the industry is brilliant at what most people are not. You have a little bit of a brain difference, I’m going to contend, even though you grew up and overcame incredible adversity.
You also have a little bit of nervous system attunement difference that’s different than what most people have. I have a lot of compassion. My first premise is procrastination is not your fault. It is nobody’s fault. Every place that people reading is feeling ashamed because the nuns, the teachers, the parents, or everybody said, “It’s a function of you being too lazy,” or “It’s your character issue.” It is not a character issue. It all comes with that, but what if you knew the physiology? I want to explain what we should have gotten in eighth grade that is creating all the confusion and the shame. Everybody, call up a picture of a brain in your mind’s eye. When we do that, we get one big gray squiggly something, a brain. That’s not it, but the twist, with the stem. It’s not one brain. It’s three brains stacked on top of each other, which people might know. There is something important that’s been missing.
We’ve got three brains. The bottom brain is the stem, reptilian. It’s the oldest, but it translates every single thing you see, hear, taste, touch, or feel. Everything you perceive into something to eat, something to fight with, something to run away and hide from, or something to have sex with. The scientists called these four F’s, Food, Fight, Flight, Fooling around. These are your four. We keep it clean. It translates. It’s a primitive language. The one above that, the middle brain, is your limbic system which is where all the emotions come from. That one has only two languages. It’s primitive, pain and pleasure, either, “I’ve got to get it now,” short-term gratification or, “Run, I could die.” Lizard is the bottom and then this is mammalian, but the limbic system in the middle brain. Your top brain where we’re talking right now, which I affectionately call our thinking brain. It’s a new, kind of after body.
This is new for humans. This we think because we’re smart and we’re advanced and we’re not like cavemen, we think that that top brain is running the show. We ought to be able to get ourselves into action and we ought to be able to follow through when we know what to do, because I’m smart. What we’re missing, what they didn’t tell us in eighth grade, which would take so much shame and guilt away. We are 21st-century humans running around with the caveman era. The brain is circuitry and nobody ever gave us the operating manual. Here’s the thing, every single thing you see, read, hear, touch, taste, smell, interact with, all that sensory information gets filtered from the bottom two brains first. It doesn’t go to your top brain. It instantaneously goes to the bottom two. In the middle brain, there’s an alarm that people have heard of called the amygdala. You do not need to know how to spell that or remember, but it’s an alarm.
We discount it. We think it doesn’t matter anymore. When the alarm gets tripped, it sends chemicals down that make you feel stuck, foggy-brained, and it’s hard to move forward. Since the two bottom brains are the gatekeeper and sadly, since everything back in caveman days, the way we’re wired is that everything unknown is dangerous. It doesn’t make logical sense. These things do not make logical sense. The scientists call this cortical inhibition. Back in caveman days, when the saber-toothed tiger was running at the caveman, the blood left his top brain and it went to the parts of his body so he could run fast and it happened in an instant. You don’t logic this out. When this fight or flight happens and the blood leaves your top brain, you can’t think straight anymore. However smart you were this morning when you got up to make your to-do list, you don’t have it anymore because this has happened. Until your feeling safe and your nervous system reregulates, you can’t think straight or get stuff done on your to-do list.
Number one, everything unknown is considered dangerous by your brain and the difference is even our grandparent’s generation, there weren’t that many bits of information flying in. Now, we have billions of bits. Our nervous system is in constant hyperarousal. That impulse you have to get through the inbox of your life. You’re going to get through all your emails. It will never happen. We’re always going to have more coming in than we can process. There’s this feeling like this. There’s the difference between you, Jen, super achiever, and other straight-A super achievers in the tribe. What’s the difference that you can do this thing? A lot of it you’re born with. They say about 70% of what triggers our nervous system attunement. If you’re in the soup in your mother’s womb and when you come out, 70% of your attachment style you took hers on. If you had an agitated, anxious mother. My mother used to jump in the air when she’d hear a telephone ring. I still don’t like the sound of those old-fashioned phones, the ringtones, because she used to hold me in her arms and jump in the air.Intuition and wisdom do not come from your top brain. It's from a different place, and it only pops out when you feel safe. Click To Tweet
My nervous system attuned to that. The bottom line of this is number one, when people procrastinate, when your people are not wanting to make their sales calls, your alarm in the middle and the bottom two brains have linked that to danger. It doesn’t make any logical sense or rejection, but rejection is danger. That’s not even cultural. That’s hardwired into your biology. In caveman days, if you pissed off the head guy in the cave and you got rejected, you were out with the kids and you all died. Rejection is tied in with survival. It’s nobody’s fault. Every time your alarm gets tripped, a chemical cascade comes down through the body and it speaks to the organs in your body. This is why you get a lump of dread in the pit of your stomach or vice around your head. You have a headache or you feel like you have the weight of the world. It’s hard to move forward. Number one, that doesn’t happen to me because I don’t feel that much. It’s happening all the time. It’s like a little morphine drip all day. You get up in the morning and you’re clear in what you’re going to do.
When you make a to-do list. By 4:00, you’re saying, “What happened to this day? Why didn’t I do it?” Even things like the pile of laundry that you walked past over there and you felt bad about. That’s linked in the same way. Anything you’re procrastinating on means that the little alarm has attributed some amount of danger to that. It’s a tricky thing. The last thing is when the blood leaves the brain, sometimes people are skeptical and they’re like, “Is that true?” Think of a time that you were confident and happy. Maybe you were dancing, maybe you were in a social situation. Maybe somebody reading was at an office, Christmas party, whatever it is. You were looking good and on top of your game. Somebody said something rude. They came into your space and surprised you. Somebody with some cutting remark or they undercut you. When that happens, at least for the women anyway, but usually everybody. When you’re surprised by somebody like that, you’re shocked. Your jaw falls open, your shoulders shrug, but you can’t think of anything to say. It’s like, “I’m a loser. I can’t think of my comeback.”
“I wish I had thought about that when I was there.”
When does it pop in your head? When do you go home? You go home. You’re in bed under the covers in the middle of the night. Your eyes pop open. “I know exactly what I should have said to him. I’m more a bigger loser. Why couldn’t I think of it?” It’s because your brain was in jail. You couldn’t access how smart you are because that’s how fast it is. It’s like pulling your hand back from the hot stove. You don’t get to choose. All these places, when we procrastinate, it’s not our fault. We are going to get to solutions. People need to know this. Here’s that presupposition I was saying about you and why I’m different than all the Gary Vees and the Tony Robbins of the world and everything, because that idea of you should do it once you know, just do it. For everybody, that’s a top brain thing. Willpower is a top brain thing and if your top brain is locked in jail temporarily, no amount of that will move you forward.
The job is to get out of jail. Getting out of jail is a function of being safe. You cannot logic your way out of it. You cannot learn it out of a book. You have to create enough physiologic safety and your nervous system calms down so the blood can go back up to your brain. You have to retrain that little alarm, which is a longer-term process. I mostly work in 90 days. You can’t decide with a whip and say, “Change, damn you.” It learns through and safety connected with habit and changing your chemistry. It’s not so like this all the time.
It’s funny because what I was writing down is that I’m amazed and interested in the solution and how I can change this because I am much smarter in the middle of the night and in the morning. That’s why I think when people say, “Let me sleep on it.” They get better decisions because they’re smarter. I’ll wake up in the middle of the night and I do the Ellen DeGeneres thing, which if you’ve ever watched her stand up, she says that she’s trying to memorize things that she needs to get done. She’ll come up with songs like, “Phone, eyes, mascara.” She’ll come up with this list and she’ll start singing these songs. My song gets so long and then I go, “PIM.” I’m doing these things and it gets so long that I’m like, “Screw it.” I get up running, I put the list down, and then all of a sudden I have five times as many things as I had in my little memorization song. I need to do this and this and then I go back to bed and I sleep soundly. I can’t make phone calls in the middle of the night. I need a solution. It was the middle of the night when I’m like, “Got it.”
It’s smart of you. I like your way better than Ellen’s way. Ellen is funny. Mnemonics work but if you’ve got a longer list, that’ll wake you up and create adrenaline. It’s better to get up, which we don’t want to do. We don’t want to get out of the warm, snugly blankets. If you can do a brain dump, then there will be a let go and then you can sleep in an easier way. The other reason you’re having things float up in the middle of the night is that it’s not so much a top brain. That’s what it is. When we go to sleep, we relinquish the controls. We’re not trying to make ourselves figure it out, understand, we release. This is the same reason that people get amazing epiphanies in the shower. You’re not focused on it. You’re soaping up. You’re not trying and then all of a sudden, whatever you went to bed with, a problem. It then pops into your head because your intuition, your inner knowing, and your wisdom don’t come from your top brain.
It’s from a different place. It only pops in when you feel safe and relaxed and you’re not trying. It’s counterintuitive because all the productivity gurus have had this kind of muscle thing. Push through and muscle over it, but it makes things worse. This is why I’m always saying what you’re usually doing to make yourself unstuck is making you more stuck. When you’ve got two parts inside, they’ve usually got many fighting, but let’s say part of you completely wants to make your sales calls. You want to increase your revenue and you know what you need to do and you want to do it. You’ve then got this other part that’s like, “I want to watch Netflix. I drink a beer and I don’t want to do this.” You’re fighting them. Almost every guru will tell you what you need to do is beef this one up. The Native Americans, “Which dog are you feeding? The good dog or the lazy. Which one?” Everybody is trying to do this to overpower this one. What nobody tells you is in this idea of fighting, the more you beef up this guy, you were silently sending this one to the gym. They will always match.
All you’re doing is creating more competing chemical cascades. This direct onslaught way, make myself way, not so useful. Willpower works for a small number of people. You’re incredibly good at it. I have been way better at it than most people, but I am here to say it costs you too damn much. There are other backdoor ways where you can work with your physiology. You can relax, you can train the body. As soon as your alarm figures out that something isn’t dangerous, then it’s easy to make these sales calls. How can I explain this best? Do you have a question?
The people that are reading say, “What do I do? Is there a technique? Help me get over that?”
The reason I haven’t got this in a book, the reason I have it in a system that you listened to go through your unconscious mind. I couldn’t do a list at the time that we have together because I’ve got about 200 tools here. I will give actionable things here. People are hungry and put the filters through their top brain so it won’t stick. No transformation happens. I’m going to first point somewhere that you’ll never forget. Let me tell you this story. That’ll be for your unconscious mind as well as your top brain on how we do it, where the solution is, and it’s going to help. Completely utterly true story, a woman is overweight and out of shape. She’s been to a bunch of doctors and they’ve said, “You have to get this under control or you won’t be here long.” Her big deal is that she hates exercise and exercise is like the saber-toothed tiger to the alarm in her brain. She has tried and failed at every program.
She even has a big, good quality treadmill in her house. She can’t stand to even look at it. It makes her sick. She goes to another doctor who knows some of this brain science and he says, “We’re going to come through the back door. What do you like to do in the morning? What’s your favorite part of the morning? Because mornings matter for everybody, it’s easier to get into momentum in the morning.” She said, “That’s easy. It’s my first cup of coffee and when I read the paper, that’s the best part of my day.” “For the next two weeks, I want you to have your coffee and your paper while you’re standing on the treadmill, but do not turn it on.” It’s like, “That’s weird,” but she’s desperate so she does it. After a couple of weeks, she goes back to the doctor, but she begins to notice she doesn’t feel sick looking at the treadmill anymore.
He says, “Now we want you to, after you’re done with your coffee and your paper, while you’re standing there, turn it on for the lowest setting, absolutely flat for one minute and then turn it off and go to work. Celebrate because you did well.” She’s like, “This is nutty.” She does that for a week. The next week, it’s two minutes. When I tell this story, people think of two things. They think, “It would take me 125 years to get to my goal at this rate,” and “She’s talking about baby steps and I’ve already tried baby steps.” We’re not because baby steps are like Mount Kilimanjaro compared to what I’m talking about. We’re talking about things that are too small to count for any part of the system so you can sneak in under the tripwire of the alarm. The point of the story is she took all the pressure off. She did follow the prescription and she added a minute a week.
Somewhere after a couple of months, the alarm got the message. Her curve went straight up. It went from this to straight up and all of a sudden, she was running a mile a day. She got fit. She never stopped. It was easy. The point of the story is that she didn’t need anything extra because people looking at her would have judged her and said, “She doesn’t care. She’s let herself go. It must not matter to her.” All of that’s nonsense and for your audiences, it’s nonsense because we care deeply. The more we care, the more we got of this going on. The more we’re fighting ourselves on the inside. We feel more shame, more powerlessness and more guilt. Those feelings on top of the fight create another chemical cascade that groove in your losing pattern even deeper.Confidence comes from taking action, not sitting around being perfect until you're ready. Click To Tweet
It goes in a bad direction for a long time, but this lady did not need more motivation. She didn’t need a bigger why. She didn’t need anything other than to retrain that alarm in her head. She had the right everything. As soon as she got that out of the way of her own operating system and got it to work, everything worked. That’s what I want people to know is once you get the information, how people get the information when they get my whole system is I did it. I can’t do it like school because of the top brain. I took a group over the phone of people who were profoundly stuck, embarrassed, and ashamed about it. Some for business, some for personal, some for too much email, whatever. You listened for six weeks as they apply. They get a new chunk and they apply it. They come back and they talk about it. You hear the breakthroughs.
I do a lot of group coaching. When people learn this through there, it goes in under the wire. Their unconscious mind, your unconscious mind makes leaps. It maps over on the success of other people and it makes it believable. That’s how it works. That’s number one. The other thing, an actionable thing people could do immediately. The treadmill lady story might be sideways, but you’re never going to forget the lady on the treadmill. We did a piece for your unconscious mind to go, “There’s some other thing.” Another useful thing for people to know is if you ever had a chemistry class in school, acid and alkaline cancel each other out. These chemicals that come down when the alarm fires off and you feel dread or nervousness, even if it doesn’t register here, it’s happening. When you do NLP, I would call this a pattern interrupt. When you do something out of the ordinary that also has a component of silliness to it, it cancels out some of that chemistry. It makes it easier to teach your organs that, “This isn’t a problem.” It’s easier to not feel dangerous.
When it comes to making phone calls, this is fun. I used to do things like specific prescriptions for people that needed to cold call. I’d say, “How are calls for you? How long has it been since you’ve made them? What happens to you?” Do you have one of those bouncy balls? When you go to the gym, those big rubber balls that you can do back. If you have one of those under there, they’re $15 on Amazon. You blow it up. You could. It’s hard to keep the dread in this to the same degree if while you’re making phone calls, you’re bouncing on the ball. It’s hard because there’s silliness. We then say, “Making calls is way too hard for most people so we start smaller than that.” I started this with cold calling when people had flip phones. You’d flip open the phone. You’d make a pretend call while bouncing on the ball and maybe wearing a clown nose, which nobody can see. Putting your kid’s little tutu on your head, a silly calling hat. You’re looking at me like, “That sounds weird.” I know it sounds weird, but this is the backdoor because it’s hard for the same chemistry to happen. I’m wondering, you don’t know how my cure works.
I’m thinking about something else. It’s Michael J. Maher who wrote The Seven Levels Of Communication. He’s a realtor in the industry. He wrote the foreword to my book. He has a little system to get you to do things. I don’t know the exact number that’s on it, but on a piece of paper, he provided it in his book, you have the words, “Do it now,” repeated 70 times. I don’t know how many and I don’t know why he chose the number he did. You sit there before you do something you don’t want to do. You go, “Do it now,” and you hash it off. You’re going to do it 70 times. I know the pattern for it and it’s the funniest thing. When you get down to the last one, you reach over, you pick up your phone and you make the call.
It’s an NLP thing you’ve done right there. We call that an anchor. An anchor is any stimulus that produces a predictable response. Some of them just happen. If you walk through the mall and you smell the cologne of your first boyfriend and you feel something, that’s an anchor. You did not implant it, but you can implant them too. That works infinitely better than the self-talk way. I like self-talk, but it can only be part of a complete system. This backfires too. People that are sitting home doing affirmations and wondering why it doesn’t work and why they feel worse about it. It’s a top brain thing. Your top brain is in jail, and it creates more of this, which is cognitive dissonance where you’re fighting yourself. If you were trying to affirm something that you do not believe, you’re making a much bigger underground fight. Rather than trying to affirm, “I have a $1 million in the bank or I have $100 million in the bank,” when you don’t, you’re making it way worse. You’re digging yourself into a hole.
You could instead change this much and say, “Wouldn’t it be nice if I had $100 million in the bank?” Change it to a question of, “Wouldn’t it be nice?” there’s a gentleness to that instead of hunger and an attachment that allows it to go through. Sneak in. Can you feel between the two of those, which one feels more dangerous? Which one feels safer like it’s not a threat? “I have $1 million in the bank.” You don’t but you lose or you can’t. It kicks up all those negatives.
How are you going to do that? I’ve got all these reasons why. Who can I talk to? I don’t have the wherewithal. All of that drips right in immediately.
It sends you down some trail that’s not helpful. For most people, it’s a whole lot of shame because what they’re missing is they think, “Tony Robbins told me I was supposed to do that. Harv Eker told me I was supposed to do that. It must be working for everybody else. This must prove that I’m this huge loser because it must be working for everybody else.” It’s not. It’s because everybody’s coming at it from here.
I’ve been there. When I first started in the business and I explained this all the time when I’m doing a business planning class. Someone said, “Write down your goals.” I wrote down $100,000, let it be written, let it be done. It never happened. The next year, someone said, “You have to tell somebody too. You write it and then you tell somebody.” I’d say, “I want to make $100,000. Wendy, I want to make $100,000 this year.” Let it be written, let it be said, let it be done. Nothing happens. I use that as an example of saying the same thing even if you said, “I want to make $100,000 this year, not to the extreme of $1 million, but I wanted to make X amount of dollars this year.” You’re going to have all these reasons why you’re not going to make $100,000. I can’t make phone calls. I don’t do cold calling anyway. If someone’s reading and they’re like, “I can’t do phone calls or cold calls. I’m afraid to do cold calls and meet with realtors. I’m afraid to stand in front of a room and teach a class. I’m afraid to do all these things. What if the client doesn’t like me? What if my rates are too high?” Now you don’t make $100,000.
What I’m up to because of where I came from, I’m up to a bigger game than this procrastination thing. This is the door where people find me or the clutter that they have or their inability to come through. I have got this magic way to retrain your alarm. What I’m more interested in is the shame falling away. The self-judgment falling away and you can’t force yourself to do that. Either trying to make yourself, not judge yourself causes yourself to judge yourself for the judging. One of the incredible benefits that happen when people learn how to retrain their alarm is that then you’re getting into action. Your action then bears fruit, which is exactly like your book because nothing happens by thinking about it. I tend to be a science nerd with some woo-woo, but I don’t believe in sit on a pillow, affirm it, and then it will come. You have to have your feet walk. You have to take action and confidence comes from taking action, not sitting around being perfect until you’re ready. It’s the opposite of that. It’s throwing some stuff at the wall and seeing what sticks and doing this some more and not needing to be perfect.
That also increases your emotional intelligence as well. You’re able to do some problem-solving. You’re seeing some things and we know that there’s a direct correlation with emotional intelligence over total intellect and your ability to make more money.
When you’re doing that and you’re more emotionally intelligent, you’re meeting your market and that’s where all the things happen. That’s where the sales happen. Nothing happens when you’re sitting back being prepared. What if you could find a way that you could feel safe to meet your market easier, not needing to be perfect? That’s another way to try and be safe. I’m reminded of this great story I had. When I lead large group calls, I always start with who had a win. It raises the energy that inspires anybody who had a win. One day this woman came on and she said, “I got a win. We’ve had X number of dollars increase in the business this week.” It was a bump. I don’t remember the number. It was a lot. I said, “That’s great. How did that happen?” She said, “I made phone calls. It was great.” “How many did you make?” “About 60 a day.” I’m like, “60 a day?” She’d been in my program for a month and she’d been making no phone calls. I’m like, “Let’s rewind. What was it like last month?” “She said, “I hadn’t made calls to anybody for anything in many months.” She said, “I hate the phone so much. I wouldn’t even get on the phone to invite people to a dinner party. I sent an email.” They’re like, “What allowed that to happen?” She said, “I don’t know. I did your thing and I bounced on a ball and I wore a stupid calling hat.
I made pretend phone calls for a couple of weeks. One day it just didn’t seem like any big deal. I started to dial. I made ten and the next day, I made twenty and then I was making 60.” What was interesting, it was staggering because one of the things we do, which is also an NLP thing. We’ve all been taught no pain, no gain. What happens is the weird brain act that adaptation we have. The brain is always sorting for what’s dangerous and what might be a threat. As soon as something feels like it’s solved, it goes, “Okay, next,” and it looks for the next danger. It forgot that the last thing ever was a problem. As we were talking, she wasn’t even registering. “It felt like no big deal that I made all this money and make 60 calls a day.” Even though it had been a lifelong thing, as soon as it was fixed, the alarm didn’t see it as dangerous anymore. It’s the new normal.
It’s important to own your wins and underline it. Otherwise, your unconscious mind doesn’t get the message that you crossed the finish line that you wanted. It will sometimes go back and recreate the problem again because you didn’t. There’s another guy I had from Belgium and he was cute because he’d been stuck in his business for so long. I let them make up, what if I give suggestions and stuff. When they’re adding this silliness in and starting the day with a silly action or marrying that with the thing they’d been dreading. In Belgium, they call swimming trunks swimming pants. He would get up in the morning and he would pull his swimming pants out of the drawer and put them upside down with the elastic band on his head and start his day. Any expert you’d talk to, that shouldn’t make a difference, but it did. He’s been stuck for so long. The point is that these are counter-intuitive things that shifted.When the brain feels safe, you’ll find that you're suddenly your smartest. Click To Tweet
First of all, thank you for not using technical terms as many. I love the thought process of the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd level. Knowing that will increase the awareness of everybody because I know it will for me. I will probably think of the treadmill at some point but I know that anything that I’m doing, I’m going to be saying, “Did that get trapped?” Think of physically how I’m feeling doing something, “Did that get trapped. It didn’t allow me to move forward.” That reticular activator will continue to grow and manifest. Whether someone does anything about it is going to be the real key thing.
For most of the people that are reading, call reluctance is one thing. I do think it goes across a broad spectrum but not as many people do cold calling in the mortgage industry. More about the conversion factor of loans is that you’ve already met with somebody. Even for a realtor and this is for everybody. You met with someone and they didn’t make the decision right there. They need to think about it or they say, “This sounds good. I’ll get back to you.” The call reluctance hops in because you don’t want to feel like a pest. I always tell everybody, “Remember it’s not a sales call, it’s a service call. You have a service that they need. Think of it as a service call because you’re there to help and serve.” I think that this is also an issue that people need to get over. It’s that same thing as they didn’t take it the first time, so they’re probably not going to take it now. I don’t want to call them because I don’t want them to say no and reject me and all that stuff. If you’re reading and that’s you, you need Wendy.
We can solve it. As I’ve been pointing to through our time here, when the brain and the nervous system feels safe, you’re suddenly your smartest. You don’t have the resistance that you had. You can do anything. Like the lady running a mile a day. When it feels safe in there but the trick is how to make it safe. When you’ve had a meeting with somebody and they didn’t buy now, which is most of the time. It’s not we don’t expect them to buy on the first one call close but that is the place that people don’t follow through. That’s the close to the money activity. What’s the close to your money?
People come to me and say, “Any more leads, relationships?” It may not be that. It may be that you have everything you need. If we can get you to do more follow up, follow through, and avoid whatever it is that’s blocking for you. Wherever that’s deeply rooted and what it means for you, then your income can increase overnight.
You can’t even know the stories, but it is. It’s all about retraining so it doesn’t feel dangerous. The best thing which I have not said and I need to say is nobody reading needs to know how or why their trigger got installed. Yours are different than mine. Jen and everybody reading, they’re a little bit different. Most people have some junk about money because you inherited whatever your parents ran, their beliefs and programming around money. That’s what you were born in. You and I both know about overcoming that but that’s your set point. This is not like therapy. It’s not like you need to go back and identify why I don’t want to do laundry or why I don’t want to make calls.
“Am I sabotaging myself because I’ve got some limiting belief about money?”
I do run a program on that and there are people that go deeper that explode. For this movement to not converting, you’ve gone 98% of the way. You’ve had the conversation. Your stuff is all ready. You’ve got a way for people to pay you. You know what you’re doing but you don’t want to make that follow-up call and see why they haven’t. Part of it is this energy of safety or danger. When somebody’s in and it can move from learning the Procrastination Cure. If you’re in a place where the money is lacking and you feel hungry. There’s that hungry energy to make the sale, it puts too much pressure on you. You then worry more about what they’ll think. If people reading can imagine, they could for a moment stand on a ladder in your mind’s eye and look down on two versions of yourself talking to these follow-up phone calls.
On the one hand, there’s the person who’s super attached to the outcome. There’s a hunger in it. The other one, the other person is not attached. You’d love a sale, but you know you’ve got many in the pipeline. You’ve got many people to talk to. It’s not going to make or break your month no matter what this person says. If you feel into those two people, you’ll notice that the one that’s hungry and attached is scared. The one that’s unattached is not scared. Prospects are like dogs. They can feel what we’re vibing. It’s what I had to do because I was scared of everything. I couldn’t leave my house after dark for years. It was my nervous system shouldn’t have been able to be here. I’m here to say, no matter how bad it is for you, it can be different. I retrained it using methods like this. When your little alarm is not triggered by everything or the little alarm gets retooled to go, “That’s okay, that’s safe,” it takes it off the table as a threatening activity. You find yourself talking to everybody and striking up conversations.
It’s chasing versus having it come to you. You become a magnet for all those things that you were at one point repelling. Wendy, it’s been absolutely a pleasure having you here. I thank you for those tips. I encourage those of you reading this to get in touch with Wendy and see how you can break through this in a matter of 90 days. That’s your choice. You can do nothing and continue to fight this for years and years or you could do something. Stop talking, take action, get results. The action here is to explore. It’s an exploratory conversation. Wendy, what is the best way for everyone to get in touch with you? I know you have a gift for everybody as well. What’s your best method for people to move forward with this immediately?
The best way is to get a taste of it. We have got a special gift to your people. The place to get that gift is to go to Procrastination-Cure.com/jdp. That way, you’ll hear the first module of the Procrastination Cure. Plus, another gift that we have, which is valued at $150, that’s about how the brain and trains culturally where we’re picking up at certain times of the year on the thoughts, feelings, stress, and emotions of the people around us. How to not do that and then maximize your momentum during those times of the year. Those are for your audience and that would be the best way. I have got a contact form for people that want to know more but there’s a way to get. The Cure is ridiculously easy to have and inexpensive. You don’t even need to carve out hours to listen to it. You download 60 or 70-minute calls to your phone and then listen for five minutes when you’re stuck in traffic or in line at the grocery store. It will go into your unconscious. It’s easy peasy.
Thank you for that gift. I appreciate it. If they want to get in touch with you and they want to bypass the free gifts and say, “I want to talk to her.”
At least on this episode, I hope they’re good. “I don’t care about business but my golf game. I don’t want to make more money, but I want to fix my golf game.” That’s okay if that’s the worst. Procrastination-Cure.com, you can find out information about how to get in touch with Wendy directly or go to Procrastination-Cure.com/jdp. I encourage you if you’re reading, please share this. If you know somebody who’s procrastinating because I know someone who’s overweight and doesn’t want to lose weight because she had a bad experience when she was thin. She’s got this wall up. Maybe it’s safer to be heavy. If you know someone like that, then definitely share Wendy’s information. They don’t even have to read the entire blog, send the information to them. Wendy, thank you for sharing all of this wonderful information. It’s technical but I was engaged throughout the whole thing. This is one of my longest episodes but I’m not going to chop it up. I hope that everyone else was able to read through the end to make the change in their lives. I know I’m going to do it because I’m going to go through and figure out what I have. I know I have some procrastination in areas, I think we all do. I can’t wait to explode some things with myself too. Thank you for your time. It was an absolute pleasure.
Right back at you. It was lovely to be able to share with your audience.
We’ll see you at our next event together. Thank you for taking the time and we’ll catch you next time on Mortgage Lending Mastery.
- Procrastination Cure
- The Seven Levels of Communication
About Wendy Hart
Wendy Hart is an International Speaker and Coach and the creator of “The Procrastination Cure: A Complete System that Compels You to Follow Through (and Make More Money!)”
Wendy’s promise is to “increase your follow-through by 3 times or more, in 3 months or less, using less than half of the effort you were using before!”
She has over 20 years of experience in human behavior, sales and psychology. Using little-known tools and cutting-edge brain science, she has developed this unique system that has people end procrastination fast, and for good.
Wendy has coached thousands of clients, everything from Pro Golfers to Entrepreneurs and small business owners, and has helped them to reduce anxiety and overwhelm, increase their sales or performance, and get past whatever barriers were causing them to be drained or stuck.
When they learn how to get out of the “freeze or dread response” and follow through without effort or will power, success becomes easy.
Also, Wendy’s small business owners have seen their business activity increase by as much as 300% to 1000%, in as little as 90 days or less. Even call reluctance is greatly reduced or eliminated entirely.
Wendy was trained at the prestigious Coaches Training Institute. She is a Practitioner of NLP and TPM (Thought Pattern Management,) and IFS (Internal Family Systems Model of Psychotherapy.) She uses a combination of 18 different psychological, neuroscience and energy modalities in her work with clients.
A member of the International Coaches Federation and the International Association of Coaches, Wendy is also a former Board Member of the National Speakers Association, Northern CA Chapter.
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